@marawritesstuff Tossed salads and scrambled eggs are mixed up, just like Frasier's radio show callers. "They're callin' again", etc.

Not really interested in maintaining a relationship with anyone who hears a rumor about a "Friends" revival and thinks, "Hmm, plausible."

STOP USING "BALLED" WHEN YOU MEAN "BAWLED" or so help me, I will ball up my fist and punch you in the face until you bawl for your mother

@marawritesstuff Can't figure out what's worse: Chuck Palahniuk or his legions of devoted fanboys

This one goes out to all the dudes on Instagram who like the pics I post of my nails. You are the true heroes.

#glee needs to stop pretending it gives a shit about plot or characterization & embrace its destiny as a glorified Kidz Bop music video.

BTW, good people to follow for Tonys snark: @thecraptacular, @scottstagedive, @ninedaves, @feldmanadam, @itsdlevy, @adam___green

MY COMMENT WAS AN EDITOR'S PICK ON @dailyintel YOU GUYS. I couldn't even get an EP when I worked there and moderated comments so this is big

I loved @austinkleon's "Steal Like An Artist" so much that I'm giving away 3 copies of it on Tumblr. Check it out - http://t.co/adtVOFA1

Latex! Glitter! Symbolism! I expect nothing less from Lady Gaga. #SNL

Thanks to my iPhone autocorrect, I just ordered a pizza with "no opinions, please" via Seamless.

BRB, setting my journalism degree on fire

My iPhone autocorrected "grandmother" to "tratmondger" I SWEAR TO GOD. What does that even mean?!

Raise your hand if you genuinely miss "High School Musical"

For teenaged me, a chubby bespectacled food-obsessed atheist geek with dreams of writing, discovering Ebert's life/work was revelatory.

Gutted over Roger Ebert's death. Not sure where to start in expressing how much his life and work affected me.

Just texted my brother to tell him I'm watching "The Departed". His response: "NOT A CAWWWWPPP". Attaboy.

Super glad that I'm not in Catholic school anymore and therefore don't have to pretend to give a shit about the pope.

Ben Affleck wasn't nominated for Best Director because a good director wouldn't have cast Ben Affleck in "Argo" at all. #oscars2013

Still freaking out about last night's "New Girl", #sorrynotsorry. Jess/Nick have the best on-screen chemistry since Kara/Lee on "Battlestar"