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@ohtheinhumanity
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Friends: 151
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@ohtheinhumanity's (Oh the Inhumanity!) most faved Tweets...
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There is a big difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek."
...unless you want to get laid in the next year.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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From The NASA Moon Bombing Mission Files:
The primary directive is to reduce the ever growing werewolf epidemic spreading across the globe.
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ohtheinhumanity
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15
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All I remember from last night is a cannon, a bottle of whiskey, a pool cue, and two cute college girls without all their clothes on.
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ohtheinhumanity
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You want to "make sure we're on the same page" with a pointless meeting to justify your job?
Lady, we're not on the same fucking planet.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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Often, I feel like I'm not doing this right.
Then, I remember there's no "doing Twitter right."
Then, I do your mom, and I feel better.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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I don't know what #mymomsaid but #yourmomsaid my name a lot last night.
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ohtheinhumanity
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Hey coworker! I know you're concerned about your bank statement and all, but we've got way more important things to do. You know, like work.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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Since when did Friday nights become deciding which electronic screen to sit in front of for hours on end?
I want my life back.
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ohtheinhumanity
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Friendly Reminder: There is a big difference between "line of work" and "line of cocaine"
...unless you're a dealer.
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ohtheinhumanity
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I love cooking.
It's like chemistry you can eat.
Kind of like meth.
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ohtheinhumanity
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@Favstar
That is asking way too much.
I'm a writer, not an actor, producer, director, gaffer, and boy grip.
Okay, so, I may be a boy grip.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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While checking out at Target, I like to think about the frivolous purchases I make and convert their prices to hours of the cashier's lives.
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ohtheinhumanity
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I miss
@nhmagpie
.
Not having sideways kitty staring at me is making my life feel empty.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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Oh, my \n.
I missed you.
So.
Much.
It.
Hurt.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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I write in first-person omniscient voice.
In other words, I saw that.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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I'll be honest with you: being mostly anonymous on Twitter is nice (and different, as my other account is my name), but it feels stifled.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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Damn you, manic depression and your tear-inducing properties when mixed with string music and emotional television moments.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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Today, a girl told me she wanted my Python.
I pulled out my dick for her.
Turns out she just wanted my code. Can someone come bail me out?
@
ohtheinhumanity
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There are few things more important than love.
Bacon Swiss Chicken Combo from Arby's just happens to be one of them.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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Reason We Couldn't Date No.1:
You're sooooooo out of my league.
@
ohtheinhumanity
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