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Are there any artists with a calligraphy bent who would be the slightest bit interested in a family tree commission with a creative twist?
Arab Spring? Ed Balls? No. This is still my favourite moment on Twitter, ever: http://storify.com/JaneyGodley/the-full-story-and-conclusion-of-tim-and-freya-tra … from @janeygodley. Too much.
No snow in Guildford. The hormones pumping out of Abercrombie and Jack Wills as well as hundreds of Chelsea Tractors means it melts 400m up.
I once had a week of parties at the Ma's and to hide the fag burns I trimmed the edge of the carpet and glued the fluff in the holes.
A barista just told me to quit smoking so I flashed her my 2007 South East England Barista of the Year badge and stared her down.
Do you think the child actor from Willy Wonka approaches women in bars and mutters: "I'm Augustus Gloop, wanna hook up?" I hope so.
Glad everyone enjoyed the John Lewis ad. Here’s the poor fucker they stole it from: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/11/08/john-lewis-advert_n_4240358.html … pic.twitter.com/cihYJIE89r
Cracking a bottle of champagne I've been saving for no reason tonight. Also cranking out some Elton John. No homo.
Hello, last ever student loan installment. Nice to meet you. Let's get kinky. No don't touch me there, that's my 0% interest. Oh, OH GOD.
Remember to keep your Instagram locked safely in the house tonight.
Writes social media for a living. Studied books. Likes short sentences, the Internet and you.