@oldjoesmithreally's (average joesmith) most faved Tweets...
First spam of the day asks:
"Want stronger and more intense orgasms?"
No, thanks. The ones I've had are arguing over toys right now.
"Want stronger and more intense orgasms?"
No, thanks. The ones I've had are arguing over toys right now.
As I've grown older & learned from many mistakes, I find that the proper response to a great many life situations is:
Fuck it.
Fuck it.
Excuse me, but your ulterior motives are showing.
You might want to tuck them back in
and restart your polite manipulation.
Thanks.
You might want to tuck them back in
and restart your polite manipulation.
Thanks.
One way twitter resembles life: I gravitate toward people who are not, what's the word...
"professional" or
"socially acceptable."
"professional" or
"socially acceptable."
Our eco-friendly bags sure love rides to grocery store.
Tonight, they waited in the car while I shopped.
Then we went home.
Tonight, they waited in the car while I shopped.
Then we went home.
Toothpaste sure makes beer & cigarettes taste bad.
I guess i've got to quit
brushing both of my teeth.
I guess i've got to quit
brushing both of my teeth.
Daughter, 5: Daddy, the...
Dad: PLEASE don't say my name before EVERY sentence.
5: Your name's Joe, not Daddy.
Admit defeat now or later?
Dad: PLEASE don't say my name before EVERY sentence.
5: Your name's Joe, not Daddy.
Admit defeat now or later?
2 new, proper rubber, no kink, lifetime warranty hoses.
30 yrs ago, past punk me hated present me.
Fuck that punk. I got 2 new hoses.
30 yrs ago, past punk me hated present me.
Fuck that punk. I got 2 new hoses.
She: I don't know where all the knives went.
Me: Uh... Out in the yard.
S: The yard?!?
M: Squirrels. I miss a lot.
Me: Uh... Out in the yard.
S: The yard?!?
M: Squirrels. I miss a lot.
Trust. I remember that. Back in the day when folks could seal a deal with a handshake, a smile and crazy monkey sex.
It's great to be the 3rd to star somebody on favrd. Feels egalitarian, democratic.
Unlike the Favrd Elite. You know who you are.
Unlike the Favrd Elite. You know who you are.
1st rule of Twitter Fight Club: Don't tweet about followers.
2nd rule: Don't tweet about Tumblr.
3rd rule: STFU. I hate you. Fight.
2nd rule: Don't tweet about Tumblr.
3rd rule: STFU. I hate you. Fight.
Phones make me really testy.Testy as in strangling somebody w/my scrotum while beating their eyes out w/my balls.
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