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I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because you're an adult and you can make decisions yourself.
"Son, the monster under your bed worries me FAR less than the one lurking just below the surface of my psyche. Anyway, good night."
A bee is willing to end it's own life just to cause you a tiny amount of pain. I can relate to that level of pettiness.
Gay marriages started in Washington state today, and you could tell because nothing was different at all except a few people were happier.
Fascinated by the logic that guns don't kill people, but abortion is murder.
Not only is "Hail Obama" trending because of a false report from a FOX reporter, but people also seem to think "Hail Hitler" was a thing.
Marty McFly's mom seems weirdly fine with the fact that the guy who tried to rape her now washes the family car.
I think gay people deserve a lot of credit for not just going out and murdering straight people all the time.
Ugh, women are so emotional!
*Puts fist through wall because sports*
Instead of accusing every homophobe of being gay themselves, maybe we should just stick with the "human garbage" angle.
At this point, I really feel like it's punk as fuck to be happy with who you are.
"Don't you hate how all female comics just talk about their periods? Anyway, so I'm smoking weed, farting, and jacking off..." - Dude Comics
Sarah Palin changed the game of politics the same way flipping the board over changes the game of Monopoly.
My wife is still waiting for congress to give her instructions on what to do with her vagina today.
WRITER: "We need a scene to make the character look like an asshole."
*Cut to scene of that character playing golf*
I am the living embodiment of a bad product with a good sales department.
