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  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    Why don't vampires just 'go down' on girls during their period, everyone's happy, problem solved

    • 372
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinrickkondellMcKnightyBoo1_swarthy_dudecanadian_janeTheBeerGuy73jannable9RSF788____________
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    KattarMumbaikarCamdylM2brickkondellTequila_GrlMcKnightyBooAzahelZamorameonieeElgatoEsmio
    EmoSobby
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    I just spent my last 30 bucks on @favstar bonus features, which may be the equivalent of buying magical beans from some guy on the street

    • 284
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilCanadianMclovinC_Hart44awordforawordCali416__________rickkondellonelongbenderapple_hotm
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyawordforawordbbyvelociraptorrickkondellMcKnightyBooStephenBCramerTheBeerGuy73AGStr8upNinja
    Xeriland
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    Twitter Dress Code: No Pants

    • 226
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovintexasstalkermomTheBeerGuy73jannable9LorieGZJulesC70KweezyKyratoofabulash
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    TheBeerGuy73toofabulashAGStr8upNinjaTheDailySchmuckCATIZ72Maybe_TumorrowlovemydogduckStealingRides____
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    Why can't pelicans deliver babies?

    • 211
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinplfrederickEenfidelnattylumpo88JohnLyonTweetsTheBeerGuy73jannable9ElgatoEsmio
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    JohnLyonTweetsElgatoEsmiotoofabulashlovemydogduckdephrankStealingRides____jumpdasharkgrumpysalmon
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    I told myself, "I'm not gonna flirt with cute girls on twitter today" and according to Maury's polygraph results, "THAT, WAS A LIE!"

    • 182
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilCanadianMclovinScottm1982rickkondellonelongbenderMcKnightyBootexasstalkermomPinkebelly
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    rickkondellMcKnightyBooTuchZestTheBeerGuy73toofabulashmommamouse03lovemydogduckohwrigley________
    shaztaberry
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    __But, enough about your tweets, let's talk about my tweets

    • 160
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinJHershaerickkondellMcKnightyBoocanadian_janeTheBeerGuy73LorieGZscootiekk
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    rickkondellMcKnightyBooTheBeerGuy73the_couch_guy____toofabulashlovemydogduckjumpdasharkohwrigley________
    Egg_Plantation____
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    ____Pringles, are the 'fake boobs' of potato chips

    • 150
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinawordforawordtexasstalkermombrainsdocTheBeerGuy73LorieGZtoofabulashchullymorton
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    Littia72awordforawordbullitt6454TheBeerGuy73Genghis_DonglovemydogduckNotawhinerHotindallas
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    If you can't be, with the one you love, be with the one that loves anal

    • 149
    • FAVS
    wonderhulaarrisnyteDarkfearytalesCanuckRedneckJHershaetricky005rickkondellFunnyFloyd88
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    PureX3Literotica_comCanuckRedneckalester2102tricky005rickkondellMcKnightyBooJustCallMeFrank
    RealDeerGod______
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    _I've been gluten-free for eight months, today! Just kidden, I don't even know what that means

    • 133
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilawordforawordGoddessofGrainTheLejaittexasstalkermomandrewgutinTheBeerGuy73LorieGZ
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    awordforawordJeffBennett44sellis1994BartParksTheBeerGuy73TheDailySchmuckjumpdasharkohwrigley________
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    If I keep my credit score bad enough my identity won't get stolen, I'm employing the same strategy for my tweets

    • 117
    • FAVS
    KatarinaFoawordforawordTheBeerGuy73LorieGZscootiekktoofabulashlacrossemom5StealingRides____
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    awordforawordlacrossemom5jumpdasharkchagger73AnitaHelmetamhlawyerMyHairyLife______ohwrigley________
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    _Sometimes I think, "I shouldn't cut my own hair" this usually happens immediately after I've cut my own hair

    • 95
    • FAVS
    Tashas_OpinionKatarinaFoawordforawordJohnLyonTweetsTheBeerGuy73LorieGZscootiekklacrossemom5
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    Tashas_Opinionawordforawordreddhenn__________jumpdasharkohwrigley________wedadaz92DeathDoUsPart___AhmadMhdAli
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    It turns out al-Qaeda was just pissed bcuz we didn't star their funny tweets

    • 104
    • FAVS
    TheBeerGuy73LorieGZjumpdasharkgrumpysalmonohwrigley________SashaBrennerXalqeeosno13__
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsLargeInDaPantsseandwilliamsDanteEvilCatBathing_in_Sin____jacobpriest1Favstar500FavsPrincessBuckeye
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    _If you are wearing a baseball cap and the brim is flat straight across, I'm going to murder you

    • 92
    • FAVS
    AlanFelykTheBeerGuy73jumblygiantjumpdasharkTx_FrankieCayenne7300Hotindallasohwrigley________
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    jumpdasharkCayenne7300ohwrigley________dj_mikecjweissguymetalheadpjthunter1BMWKing1
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    Twitter, the final frontier, these are the voyages of the Favstarship Enterprise, it's continuing mission to explore strange new followers..

    • 94
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilLOUD_Thoughts_rickkondellMcKnightyBooTheBeerGuy73StealingRides____jumpdasharkHotindallas
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    leszoccer13rickkondellMcKnightyBooohwrigley________getoffmyplanetjwalkonthemoonAh_kee_oh________KalliWow__________
    Maii79
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    _I'm to lazy to ever have an OCD, cuz I'd be all like, aw, fuck the light switch

    • 87
    • FAVS
    arrisnyteale_bundyJHershaerickkondellMcKnightyBooTheBeerGuy73scootiekkBulldog0613
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Literotica_comleszoccer13rickkondellMcKnightyBooscootiekkYoung_Amadeathewaspwomanohwrigley________
    scootiekk
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    When I read ya'll's inspirational tweets, I read them, three or four times, and then I think; The fuck, does that even mean?

    • 78
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilTheBeerGuy73LorieGZscootiekkTheDailySchmuckjumpdasharkHotindallaskmjordan3
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    Hotindallasohwrigley________filmbizproIvyelleWright____osno13__getoffmyplanetFeliciovsZombie_Mary72
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    _I've been working out and my arms are getting HUGE , well ok, not huge, but big, ok not big, but, oh fuck, nevermind

    • 86
    • FAVS
    TheBeerGuy73LorieGZjumpdasharkohwrigley________getoffmyplanetImprobableEddieStealingRides____Ninja_Wh0
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    ohwrigley________LargeInDaPantsSam19eighty_______tn56____________Glittermepink5____Favstar_NSFWBeccaRubaMike_Wrong
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    _This recycled toilet paper smells like shit

    • 70
    • FAVS
    TheBeerGuy73StealingRides____jumpdasharkohwrigley________osno13__39914O51ImprobableEddieNinja_Wh0
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    LargeInDaPants_Moon0child_HallpassCanadaFavstar500Favseliserose5Ah_kee_oh________MaliciousMomentBeccaRuba
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    I want to write, direct, and star, in my own tweet

    • 65
    • FAVS
    TheBeerGuy73LorieGZBulldog0613TheDailySchmuckjumpdasharkohwrigley________Tw0Pennethosno13__
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsAhmadMhdAliHallpassCanadaDarkntwistdzooeyzoenana_OohMike_Wrong
  • olvera_m
      C.mao @olvera_m

    I think my neighbor's kitty, is a member of an evil cat terrorist organization known as 'al-Qitty'

    • 52
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilTheBeerGuy73Bulldog0613TheDailySchmuckjumpdasharkmhsalemrobertHotindallasohwrigley________
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsmhsalemrobertHotindallasohwrigley________ashdal2012Cuddleboobies____Lisabug74Harbingerr
@olvera_m

@olvera_m

Every time i tried to tell you, the words just came out wrong, so i'll have to say 'pass the butter' in a song.