I like to think I'd be that one special zombie in a herd, the one with a little extra twinkle, the one who could, in time, turn a doorknob

You kinda look like you might have some leche for my cafe.

I incorporated neglected tamagotchi's into a freestyle the other day so you can't say im doing nothing w/ my life

“The veining is exquisite.”

New auto response to dick pics.

My armpits smell like cupcakes because that's where I keep my cupcakes

A photographer is only as good as her naked maternity clients

It seems like a lot of 'Full Sized' models should just be called models and a lot of models should be called 'Clothes Hangers.'

IF YOU LIKED IT THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE PHOTOSHOPPED A CAT ON IT

I bless America. There. I said it. Now stop fucking asking.

*tosses and turns* "i got... a fever... and the only CURE... is..." "honey please wake up!!! you're sleep walken again"

What idiot named them cowboys instead of Horse Pilots.

For years I believed dachshund was pronounced ‘dash-hound’, not because I was stupid but because that was good enough for me.

Google Reader is just gone from the Google nav bar. I have to search for it or type  http://google.com/reader , like some kind of animal.

I've a list of people who I'd like to nominate for a one-way mission to Mars. :-)

Most "liked" comment on Boston Globe coverage of Angelina Jolie's mastectomy is two words: "Poor Brad." Cleanse this society with fire.

Soft kitty, flat kitty, little rectangle of fur. Poor kitty, bleeding kitty, rest in peace. - Me after running over a kitten.

conservative shit goes completely against the subversive nature of jesus and his radical politics of unconditional compassion

Hello, I am a giant whale pleased to meet you. pic.twitter.com/e9hAvvE8Nv

Nibble a dick biscuit for Jesus.

Maybe going black is so disorienting that no one can find their way back?