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She was so high she forgot which hand was her dominant one.
There are 86 photos of a man in a banana costume on my phone. I need to drink less tequila.
Got to work and realized I was wearing both shirts backwards. Thank god tomorrow is Friday.
Ever see a pretty girl and when you get closer she's a dude? Yeah me neither.
I finally get why dudes live like they do: cuz a George Foreman grills the fuck outta anything, and laundry on the floor is still laundry.
Karma IS a bitch and it WILL come back to fuck you.
Finger. Tattoos. Suck. Balls.
Texting about a herniated disk and all my phone wants to talk about is herniated dick.
... And it all changes in the blink of an eye
I want a hand tattoo sooooo bad. Oh wait. I get one next week ❤
Tried to sneak in late to work today. I was one floor from safety when the elevator door opened and in walked my boss #shouldatakenthestairs
I hate when my boss is all up on my nuts.
OH MY GOD WE HAVE CORNDOGS
spookshow baby | brown hair, brown eyes, black heart | creepin' it real