There was a tragic natural disaster on American soil and the news is covering the royal wedding. #disgusted

Today is the IPO of the world's largest repository of pregnancy photos and baby poop discussion. The market will soar!!

If 90% of your FB updates are about how you hate your life, a recent illness or your failed relationship... No one cares about that last 10%

Celebrities,
Please stop dying. It seems people think you're all immortal and it really freaks them out.

I'm still trying to develop a cereal you eat with orange juice.

#BMFP wins lots of football games. I guess I just don't care about much else he does. I like winning. Just being honest.

Remember friends, watch out for constitution-defying checkpoints during a celebration of our freedom this weekend!

Observation: People who smoke cigarettes still actually talk on cellphones.

The US has 5% of the world's population and 25% of its prisoner population.

A solid victory for Obama, but a loss for America to only hear from two candidates, neither w/ fresh ideas or a path to liberty & prosperity

Alright, @axe, get me tickets 2 @girltalk in Fayetteville and I'll use a whole bottle of your body wash before going back 2 Old Spice. Deal?

Yo retailers! Please send me an email quickly. I had no idea that sales occurred this time of year. So exciting!

When something goes wrong in America, very few folks ask why, and move directly to making a new law against it. Killing freedom with cheers.

It's sad that despite decades of failure, governments still think prohibition solves problems.

AMERICA I LOVE YOU, PLEASE KEEP IT TOGETHER.

I pay $12 a month for @netflix and $80 for @directv and get the opposite ratio of enjoyment out of them.

Vote for Peyton Hillis for the Madden cover.

http://is.gd/V7eACX

A workhorse back, versus a dude that would probably kill a horse.

Get your wedding or event on the calendar with me as your DJ!

Spring and summer dates are filling up quick.

www.arraysound.com

I spend a lot of time trying not to click "Like" when people post lame overly-personal tragedy on Facebook.

Yo Twitter folk!

I'm a DJ. Consider me for your wedding, party or event!

www.facebook.com/wavdj (public page. No FB account required)