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Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn will seek to offset federal aid to victims of the tornadoes by looking for budget cuts elsewhere "in blue states".
The best way to get over you is in a truck. Then I’d throw it in reverse to get over you again.
Pretty sure there's a guy whose only job is to figure out different ways to draw ASCII penises.
When I was a kid, lasers were for killing imperial forces.
Now they just remove hair.
Fox News: THE LEFT IS POLITICIZING OKLAHOMA!
MSNBC: THE RIGHT IS POLITICIZING OKLAHOMA!
CNN: ANDERSON'S STUCK IN THE TORNADO HOLOGRAM!!
Idiots use skepticism to relieve the burden of acceptance. Wise people are confident in themselves making it easy to accept others.
A few months ago, someone told me I'm their twitter crush. I haven't heard from her since. Yup. I still got it.
A tear is a prayer from the heart. I pray for Oklahoma.
After 6 meetings yesterday, I have 3 on my schedule listed as "regroup". Yep, meetings don't solve anything; they just create more meetings.
Willie Nelson's tour bus can stop on a dime bag.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast.
If you're still circling the parking lot looking for the perfect spot when I could've already been in the checkout line, we can't be friends
Don’t ask me if I’m ok while I’m wearing a bow tie, obviously I’m not ok or I wouldn’t be wearing a fucking bow tie.
I’m allergic to buckwheat, well I’m not allergic to it but it’s really really yucky to me & I think that’s the same thing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that Ex-lovers Are really dying for you to call them at four in the morning.
The biggest problem with healthy food is all the chewing.
I'm going to Carolina in my mind. OK I'm back now, sorry.
I don't have a boob avi. Don 't tweet about porn, penises, or bacon. Dang, why are you here?