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People who say they "don't get Twitter" must not hate enough stuff.
The only thing sweeter than my kid singing everything he does is when he FUCKING CUTS THAT SHIT OUT.
Why isn't pie marketed as a breakfast food?
My boobs look so sad propped up on the table in the reflection of my iPad while I watch Animal Hoarders.
Well I've complained about things that don't matter, made generalizations about people, and corrected a stranger's grammar. Internet? Done.
RT if you've had to google itchy butthole FOR A FRIEND.
Anne Curry just said "fantastic nuts".
When I was a little girl I dreamed that I would grow up to make dinner every night and my children would complain.
Wish I had an alley to drink in.
My kids are watching Back to the Future for the 367th time.
Uh. Cried during a movie, trying to figure out how to have ice cream for dinner. OH HI MY PERIOD!
Settle down myfitnesspal. I promise you I'm not starving.
I've eaten so much pork today I feel like I've had an affair.
My babies are so smart and better than your babies. Also, can you like their picture to win a contest that will validate me as a sad woman?
"I don't want to play dead babies anymore." is something I just had to say to my 5 year old.
5yo crying because he wants meat for breakfast.
Putting myself in timeout. Also the leftover peanut butter pie is my breakfast.