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My husband just cleaned the entire oven unprovoked. He is definitely getting laid tonight.
According to my 2 year old: "If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands!"
. @jennschaal @warbyparker THEO! I might wear them with the designer knock-off silk shirt my sister Denise made me.
Nothing says "I want to look half dressed" like those goddamn shirt dresses.
Tomorrow, I'll politely give my 2-week notice while saying "suck my fat dick" under my breath.
Honestly, I don't give a shit why you are in favor of an anti-gay marriage amendment. You ought to be ashamed of your damn selves.
RT @birthsanctuary Recall on select Children's and Infants' Tylenol that were manufactured between April and June 2008 http://bit.ly/fNL8B
Fuck cancer. I'm holding some very special people in my heart right now and hope they have the strength to make it through this bullshit.
Quick, dirty grammar lesson:
"Awhile" = "For a while."
If you use "awhile" you don't add "for" in front of it.
#grammar #writing
CEO just sent out an international all-company holiday email in Comic Sans.
If you identify as atheist, humanist, or the ilk, please fill out this census and be counted: http://www.atheistcensus.com #atheistcensus
If everyone just loaded the dishwasher likes it's a game of Tetris we would be FINE.
OK so all the kids went apeshit when Paul Simon came on at the 5-year old's bday party. Go figure.
#Minnesota has this amazing thing called same day voter registration. If we enact a voter ID law, you can kiss that goodbye. #VOTENO
If I have to update one more fucking iPhone app I'm going to drop my pants and piss all over this phone.
Parent, feminist, atheist. Recovering entertainment biz pro. Not interested in God, Jesus or jewelry parties.
