Is there a website where I can go to bitch about being married?

If I hear "bitch cook me some food" one more time I swear I am going to do something...like make pancakes, and bacon, and maybe eggs.

Reasons why I'm best friends with myself: I make myself laugh, I hang out with myself, I help myself, I get myself off. We have a good thing

X-mas is like first time sex, so much excitement and anticipation then the presents are unrapped and BOOM its over and you're disappointed.

I think I am allergic to beer, it makes me feel woozy, my speach gets slurred, and for some reason my clothes come off...

As I was driving to work this morning I looked up from twittering just in time to see an asshole on my side of the road reading the paper!

I am selfish in that I would rather have a hot body and sleep with a fat ugly guy then for the guy to be hot and me be the fat and ugly one!

When I hear someone say "killer pussy" I run and hide. You never know there maybe a scrawny white boy holding a gun crying "WHYYYY!!!".

When my ex cheated on me he would always make me feel better by saying"I had to tie a board to my ass to keep from falling in!".

I love it when husband calls me a cunt, or a slutty bitch, or a dirty little whore, cause it usually means we're making sweet love.

I love you for what's on the inside, preferably your cock inside me.

Don't smile at crazy people, they'll see it as a sign of aggression....FUCKER DID YOU JUST SMILE AT ME!!??!!

Look I am fav starring the shit out you people and gettin nothing in return, which is giving me flash backs of my dead sex life.

Ok if you follow me or give me stars I will imagine myself sucking your cock. And ladys I will imagine you sucking a cock. Thanx.

I think they should have an island in middle of the ocean where they can send rapists and child malesters, so they can just fuck each other.

Want to know where the Zombie apocalypse is going to start, watch the show Hoarders!

Ok ok so I lie a little on here. I do have a lot of fulfilling sex, just please, dont tell my husband or my boyfriend!

My propane delivery guy took off down the road with his hose still stuck in my tank today... funny how that reminded me of my sex life...

Scared I might do stuff to embarrass myself on Twitter. But after the Superbowl half time show what could I possibly do worse than that!

Sign I tweet to much. Last night I shaved my Twitter and wrote on my twot.