does *not* guarantee a mall white people currently go to. Extrapolates to home decoration stores, noodle shops, and social networking.

@jasonvanglass Nine months later, out came a bunch of beans wearing goggles with blonde fauxhawks. Mighta been performance art tho.

@jasonvanglass Glad our engagement provided good comedy cannon fodder, Big Lots Buddy.

@jasonvanglass PS would love to hear backstory, even if not selected.

Everyone I know is brilliant on Twitter today. Even @jasonvanglass made me laugh three (von, two, three) times.

@jasonvanglass You went and got married without telling me! Congrats to you and Mrs Jason Edwwid Nan Glar. Enjoy your beautiful new state.

*SQUEE* BABY BABY MOCKINGBIRDS! Couldn't stop looking! I'm at that age where I am very curious about the world.

@jasonvanglass All recent research proves that you should have become a serial killer by now. Way to be!

@jasonvanglass Using some sort of barrier, I hope.

@jasonvanglass I have PTSD from explaining what PTSD is to my stats instructor.

@jasonvanglass Some Sour Patch Kids and accidentally vegan uncooked garlic bread should fix you up.

Does anyone know of a way I can get my BA in Art, like, formally annulled so I can just start over?

Worst art of day: http://t.co/QpwlUhxp. Why perpetuate 1 trite visual platitude when same platitude could abuse 1000 words of awkward prose?