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Dear young people: cursing is awesome but easily overdone. Use it like a spice to accent. Nobody wants to eat a pound of cumin.
Clearly Mark Zuckerberg isn't married because only a single man would think there's a difference between "Married" and "It's Complicated."
I'm glad Bristol Palin could take a moment between unplanned pregnancies to lecture the world about morals.
I think all politicians should be required to wear NASCAR-style jackets and hats showing all of their corporate sponsors.
Damn, I forgot to go to church this morning for the last 43 years.
Sigh. I remember back when vampires were scary rather than mere vehicles for unimaginative writers and filmmakers.
Ever notice people who say they're against big govt are also pro-death penalty? Don't oversee my healthcare but go ahead and kill me. Irony.
Birth is the #1 cause of death.
The best and worst part about being self-employed and working at home is that all the workplace melodrama takes place in my head.
Microsoft would be the worst nickname for a penis ever.
ROMNEY WINS! Because he is also an American citizen under president Obama.
Nothing can't be co-opted by capitalism. New soap out, Arab Spring. Makes you whistle a jaunty tune and then ululate.
I'm now treating the GOP debates like a i would a bear attack. I curl in a ball, play dead, and hope they'll go away.
This just in: Osama bin Laden dismayed to find that his 17 virgins are all male staffers for Nickelodeon.
I know I've hit middle age because 9 out of 10 pieces of clothing in my wardrobe contain a piece of wadded Kleenex.
Romney's eight winning votes in Iowa Caucus all go by "sister-wife."
Listening to two homeless, medicated ex-cons talk about life in Tent City on the bus. Sounds like a bureaucracy.
Home improvement tip: Do it right. Brush up on your cussing before beginning to work.
"The mouth of a perfectly contented man is filled with beer." --Egyptian proverb, c. 2200 BCE
Love phone salespeople. They always ask "How are you?" so I tell them, including how it all ties into my childhood. Cheaper than therapy.
I complete me. I follow back, until you annoy me with spam.