A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says "hey Mitt, what will it be?"

So, Mr. Obama, what happened to your campaign in 2008? Change, transparency, leadership? Oh right, I called your bluff in 2003.. at 13

"we're committed to stability in this region" is US Foreign Policy speak for: do what we want, or we'll bomb the fuck out of you

a million people voted for it.

Ron Paul is the first presidential candidate in my lifetime to use the words “role of government” as if the subject should be debated

Im moving to @_repdangordon's district. Maybe i'll find real representation

@jdaniel001 going with what you have means you limit yourself. Growth or nothing :)

Happy Friday💸  http://instagr.am/p/Sp92VDGy3Q/ 

@repronpaul will be on CSPAN anytime now for his congressional farewell speech.

My dad always said "win two out of three, you win the division." This is perfectly true with the Orioles and Yankees. To the final series

Orie is now listed in a relationship with Giant Eclair http://t.co/GqDA3OUJ

Washington's tent among stunning artifacts in first ever museum dedicated to American Revolution http://t.co/canDhXwx via @mailonline

So I have sixty apple shirts. Orange, light blue, dark blue, red, black, yellow, green. Polos, and old school mesh. Insanity

You're going to make it big someday, you're going to make a boom

They have metal detectors in my local Chuckie cheese? Why do I live here

holy fuck are you kidding me. Gagging someone to puke up evidence? Where are we, the Soviet Union? ....don't answer that

then again, think of where we'd be if JFK never. I'll stop right there

This Is How Christians In The Philippines Are Protesting Lady Gaga http://t.co/toOwfMU8

Looks like FEMA is moving that stockpile of plastic coffins out of Georgia. Not scary at all. Going north ;]

Why has there been a lot of news about Al Qaeda's "capabilities" lately? @feardept at work #loggedtweet