If something works, or fits, buy several, because they probably won't make that mistake again.

"Who are you and why are you following me?" ~ someone i followed on twitter for half an hour before receiving this DM

John Travolta supports same sex massage

If people honk behind you, open your door a bit for extra drama.

Gremlins add extra steps to the bottom of stairs when it's dark

cats are shit at gardening

You're a much better person than the worst thing you've done.

Ahem, "like a boss" isn't aiming very high.

some people's avi changes really fuck up my first impressions

On tv they're asking for suggestions for new names for my city Adelaide. So far "Gettinlaide" is about the best.

Lucky your parents' religion is the correct one then.

"Actual prices may vary, depending on the customer's attitude" - helpful sign I tried out briefly in my shop.

This is your permanent record.

When life gives me oranges, I put them on a big platter. Then as they go off, I put them one by one into the bin :/

i figure if a few people aren't blocking you, you're not doing your job

It's not talking to yourself if you say "we".

Third in line for the throne sucks if you only have one toilet.

They always say clowns are sad but forget to mention the anger.

Internet the drug of all nations.

Don't touch my junk! - hoarder.