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I had my appendix removed the day Elvis died. #lametofame
No lamppost was safe from him GEORGE FORMBY FOR THE WIN
People who say twitter is for morons, don't folow the right morons.
There is a legal system to prove whether somebody is guilty. It is not called Twitter.
Why did they take cookery (home economics, whatever) out of schools? There would be less need for ready meals if people could cook.
Dear St Valentine. Please fuck off. Thank you.
My mother is having her knee replaced today. I'm hoping it will be replaced with a dog.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. - Dorothy Parker