Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
You could save a lot of money on life insurance by becoming immortal.
I like to clap at the people that speed/cut you off and then hit a red light.
Bravo bitch. You made it there 2 seconds before me.
You wouldn't believe how much money you can save when you don't pay your bills.
I'm telling you its genius.
When I see a kite on the power lines, I always pour a little out for the homie who lost it.
The baby keeps yelling "don't look at me" while obviously using the corner to poop her diaper.
I totally won the "which parent are you more afraid of?" game!!
Don't you hate when you go to spit and you almost puke?
Gay pizza dude just challenged me to a game of words w/friends.
Told him, "your going down."
Like he hasn't heard that before.
Know the creepy person standing in the dark staring at nothin in the living room?
Yeah that was me.
I go walking after midnight searching for you.
-Patsy Cline singing to her dealer.
Saw a dead animal on the side of the road, made me think of you guys.
Why pay to inject botulism into your face when you can rub a rotten chicken on it for free?
I may have a bad attitude but at least my hair is magnificent.
Some people really can't take a good "your dog was hit by my car" joke this early in the morning.
If Stuart Little lived here he'd be a dead motherfucker.
Bruised the shit out of my toe kicking a weed yesterday.
Well played mother earth.
My kid just told me I was in her space bubble.
I told her, "I'll show you space kid."
I like my babes like I like my buds: fluffy and green.
umm, did I do that right?
The next person that walks by and ignores my hello is getting sprayed in the face with perfume.
I'll kill everyone here for a guac turkey burger.
That's on dogs.
the shade of it all! channelling my inner drag queen one season at a time.