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Watch as I turn this ordinary tshirt into something awesome ...simply by putting it on.
Time to trim up the beard. Looking a little like a 1973 vagina.
Heads up ...Man of Steel, not a porno.
Enjoy the stupid people, smart people are assholes.
People who say 'yesh' ...no
I come from a magical place where boogers mysteriously appear and perch on my mustache.
Mowing the yard would be cooler if it had music ...beer, lasers, and backup dancers.
Take an 'ok' tweet and put it beside a pair of tits and see how hilarious is suddenly becomes. It's like magic.
Hugh Jackman in my mind, Huge Jackoff in the mirror...
If the Lone Ranger doesn't look at the camera and say "Giddy up, oom poppa, omm poppa, mow mow, heigh-ho Silver, away" ...I want a refund.
People, take the candy away from your kid. There's so many fat kids tits at this public pool, I feel like I'm watching an Robin Thicke video
Todays Experiment: tuck your penis between your legs and walk into the steam room naked.
I have the weirdest DM sex ...you've no idea.
Dudes disguised as horny girls using ultra hot avi's? ...at this point I'll take what I can get.
"I kissed a squirrel ...and I liked it" - my car bumper.
It's amazing how much time a person can lose googling 'camel toe' pics.
side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, headaches, heartburn, hair loss, diarrhea, dry mouth, water retention, and painful rectal itch.