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Nickleback's new song is my hell
Ever climaxed right when an earthquake struck? Yea your welcome Reno
me:"thats where I keep my pride"
girl:"youve got a lot of pride"
me:"you should see my penis"
Do you think sonic included the already added 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper in their 390,000 drink flavor combinations
Whenever I drink I swear I wake up with more body hair
I wish I was paid in pie, and that I could buy things with pie... but I couldn't wipe my ass with pie like I can money
I actually didn't feel it, I heard it, but I just thought it was someone walking around the house #firstworldproblems
The lady driving behind me is either doing her makeup or telling me to steal second base
I like my women hairy, this way I am certain they are mammals. That's one mistake I will never let happen again
#BASEBALL I called it on opening day, rays all the ways
What amount does one person have to order to surprise a server at a fast food restaurant
Has anyone checked coney island for this Kony guy? Just a place to start FYI
Check out my new profile pic! Fun fact I have no clue who's kid that is!
I'd tell you to Wikipedia that fact but I think someone deleted that website
I like to live one minute at a time... just like everyone else