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Nobody is as good at hating people under their breath as a waitress.
I'm glad you think my freckles are adorable, at 33 that's totally what I'm going for, adorable.
If you don't like my tweets, read them again in a British accent and see if that helps you.
What's better than knowing the reason for a mischievous smirk? Being the reason for a mischievous smirk.
Is it considered an intervention when your pet uses its nose to fling your phone out of your hands and across the room?
You don't really appreciate auto correct until using an actual computer and have to capitalise all your i's and use apostrophises yourself.
Do men get as upset as women when they realise they've become their mother?
Over the course of 3 hours I got one load of laundry done.. That's exactly how productive I've been.
If tequila and vodka both come from plants can I mix them together and call it a salad? Healthy is hard guys..
No these shoes weren't impractical... They bought me drinks.
People who eat wings with a knife and fork.. Who hurt you?
You are going to lose this staring contest, I have cats.
It's my birthday, and I'm a white girl, you know what that means... There will be wooing, shots and tiaras! Someone better play Journey!!
Spent an hour looking for something. Found it in the washer after the load finished. It's not clothes. I don't have kids. Who's winning now?
I didn't realise your masculinity rested so heavily on which glass your drink came in.
Super, that hug doubled as a mammogram and a way to get me to avoid you next time I see you.
So apparently "if I was gonna have a baby daddy, it'd be you!" Isn't the pick up line I though it was.
Haven't been on twitter much lately I've just been subtweeting out loud.. It's harder to retweet though.
Camilla Parker Bowles.. Sadly giving mistresses hope since the mid 80's.
It's easy to find solutions to the problems of the world. It's more difficult to get people to participate in them.
socialite with a day job! music lover and maker. bringer of drinks, poet.