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I hope I one day love something the way women in commercials love yogurt.
Nothing tells a lady "Most nights I masturbate in front of a computer" like a Family Guy Stewie shirt.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
If I was a UFC fighter I'd probably enter the ring to Len's "Steal My Sunshine" then receive an unprecedented beating.
When I look at Rihanna I think, "There's a woman I wouldn't be able to pleasure."
"What the fuck are they doing now?" - God watching humans teaching bears to ice skate.
if karma exists we're all going to be punished for how we treated substitute teachers in middle school.
When I worked for Netflix a customer of 5 years called to cancel their account. They had only rented 1 film in 5 years. It was Good Burger.