Bukkake videos should be shown in orientation classes to display a perfect example of teamwork.

Since when did they start putting cockroaches as prizes in the cereal box?

I hate when I have cocaine residue around my nose & nobody tells me. So you're just gonna let me walk around like that? Assholes.

If you watch Mob Wives or Jersey Shore you're a whore

My mom checked my search history to find out what I want for my birthday so now she's calling bakeries asking if they make bukkakes :-/

If you're a guy that revs his engine at red lights, I'm going to assume that your penis is an inny

If your rap name starts w a "Young" or a "Lil" I am beating you w a calendar. & I am not listening to your music.

People care too much about too much too much.

I didn't know the time differences for the entire world until twitter.

My tweets are like my cum loads; Take them at face value.

Fisting is pointless if you don't strike the Thinking Man pose afterwards.

No matter how many times I watch Dora; I am ALWAYS compelled to answer that bitch when she asks me a question. #Bawse

Sex addict support groups really get my gears going

Tweeting your heartfelt feelings about your mother then showing her the tweet instead of buying a card. 5 star kid u are.

Planking is dead. Owling never lived. Now sacking? Sacking is here to stay http://t.co/HMyQSfdG

I make my sandwiches w three slices of bread because I'm a mutha fucking GOON

Underwood has to be one of the funniest last names. Next to Dickinson & McNutsack.

I have actual non-sexual conversations in my DMs like some kind of ugly person

80 out of 100 times the answer is Bitch So What

I can't wait til I get a nice big drink inside me. Now I know how whores feel about cock.