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  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    In some dimension I'm a top scientist, making ground-breaking discoveries and saving lives. But in this dimension I'm only wearing one sock.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    eborg01WeeShinYingbybeautydamnedyupsandyitsMoon_LitCrystalgalvin_epancakemixtapeTattooedMisery
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    eborg01bybeautydamnedRulerOrielMoon_LitCrystalA_Castrolktgrlpancakemixtapebonnieleab
    _theigirl
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    The string of my sweatpants has disappeared into the waistband. Well there goes the rest of my day.

    • 141
    • FAVS
    aprilmaywilsonmeemeebeeVixxePellMullrikpaynejeffreyvanclea1Cpin42TheCamelToe_
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    MaggiePricelessPellMullbunnybunnybitch__sleepingfairiesmorefurtherjmtaters__________supergoodkisserthelorlor12______
    jeffreyvanclea1
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    There are still watered-down bottles of alcohol in my parents' liquor cabinet like ticking time bombs.

    • 99
    • FAVS
    Cpin42WiseCrackerSoupmeemeebeeVixxesquashguy15luckyjackPellMulljeffreyvanclea1
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    meemeebeeluckyjackPellMullWhatsHerFace33ThisCantBRightpurelysweets______JandalizeTGent33
    C3Ballin
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    Boyfriend acts like he doesn't enjoy me reading the tweets on my TL out loud then poking him in the face with my phone if he doesn't react.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    fuhrersceneCpin42meemeebeeslavicT__________VixxeVioletThunkluckyjackHallpassCanada
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    meemeebeeVixxePellMullmediocrehumanoakhillbargrillmurphyas905nastymal9BoredButPerky
    Bunnydurdenprimandearless
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    It's my mother's birthday. She is an angel. I don't even think she poops; she just goes to the bathroom periodically to refold the towels.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    C3Ballin23_LiesKuscrumhalfthelorlor12______DebzRatblowmanticAndrewR31A_Jahh
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    causticfly________Fredzipfel
    Fredzipfel
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    Boyfriend bought chicken hotdogs. Chicken. I wish we were married so that I could divorce him.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    TheTennisPhenomjacksonpanic______B_poling82CM2BTTHDlikelyasleepserialmatrix__candypantsLaffingGUY
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    LaffingGUYTGent33avaricious1gnomesdeplume____
    TGent33
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    Once you figure out that you can make a microwave cake in a mug in under two minutes, you're pretty much never going to be skinny again.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    Cpin42Vixxelydiaasamuelnicolemestro1evilidiotsupergoodkisserWhatsHerFace33DanKCharnley
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    JayElem00Squirbbles__SirrruhRobbyRob313Uncle_OGrimaceysaintoskenTinkbl67DeanneKeegan
    Jack9eight5
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    I'm still kinda a trophy wife. Just one of the larger trophies. Like, I am the Stanley Cup of trophy wives.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    fuhrersceneCpin421evilidiotsupergoodkisserDanKCharnleythelorlor12______C3BallinTuna_Lover
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Tuna_LoverJoantheRizCheekySuperCM2BTTHDtestpilot88favstar_popFunniestEverDaddyNick________
    CM2BTTHDDaddyNick________
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    So glad I hurt my left hand and not the right. Ever tried to wipe your ass with the wrong hand? You might as well go straight to the shower.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    clarephileJustinFuranoDoom_JediClare_innitgsu9696FredzipfelSusanandTrixie_theigirl
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    _theigirlDavegregory3TooMuchPathos____
    _theigirl
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    Thats right folks- Yesterday I talked poo ad nauseam, today Miami Vice. Tune in tomorrow when I'll tweet about parrots I've loved to death.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    Tara_lyn1NicholasMaroneyShaunNaNaDclarephileGermsinlawmutuallyobvious__FredzipfelMayhemCzar
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    mutuallyobvious__Stella1070
    Stella1070
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    If scientists can somehow make guys' gonads release stem cells, ladies will line up for facials that actually work.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    C3BallinTuna_Loverkidphonicsameblacklist____RamblingMachine__JayElem00kittycat821CarolinaSong
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    _theigirlKidsTheZeDaysbmarked21Jack9eight5
    _theigirl
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    I grew up in a loving home with supportive parents. It's been very creatively limiting.

    • 121
    • FAVS
    aprilmaywilsonJanWuzHeremeemeebeeVixxePellMulljeffreyvanclea1Cpin421evilidiot
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    MarkOnThePlanetJanWuzHerePellMullOphoenix1________we_todd_eddjmtaters__________favstar1000favsooo_kittykat______
    Stella1070
  • parruchkin
      parruchkin @parruchkin

    It's unnatural to give a fuck what Kirk Cameron thinks.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    FredzipfelDick_McIroncockMy_Ego_Alteredlil_dead_girl_diabolicalexmattysworld1smythelyYeezeus
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ZackSiezmagraffasithinkiambrokefloormat
    asithinkiam
@parruchkin

@parruchkin

I'm a rooster illusion

Tweets from @parruchkin most recently awarded Tweet of the Day by Pro Members.