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The only time policemen and firefighters should be at an elementary school is on career day.
As a guy who watches the NFL Combine, I completely understand girls who feel insecure while watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.
"How come we never have a white president?" -Four year olds
If Jadeveon Clowney was in the military terrorism wouldn't exist.
I swear to God, if I see one more Harlem Shake video I'll probably watch it.
I support gay marriage way more than I support myself getting married anytime soon.
At the very least, Spike Albrecht's performance tonight has ensured that he won't be working at Enterprise Rent-A-Car after college.
If you're wearing green and/or drinking alcohol today make sure you let everyone know because it's very important and everyone cares!
"Just do it... unless you're thinking about killing your girlfriend, don't do that." -Nike's new slogan
In response to the new Facebook guidelines, I hereby declare that anyone who posts that status deserves to be tagged in pictures of shoes.
The real winner of this election is unnecessarily large touchscreens.
I've spent the majority of my life trying to think of witty comebacks to things people will never actually say to me.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the fathers out there who have a daughter and are just now finding out what Snapchat is.