Ryan is a nervous Walmart manager. Biden is an irate customer with the receipt, the warranty & he's friends w/ the store owner. #debate

This isn't so bad for Romney. He can easily win this without single moms, immigrants, the middle class or all women. #debate

RIP Steve Jobs. Closest thing we had to Tony Stark.

Wow. Just, wow. Fuck you, @progressive. Forever. Fuck you forever: http://t.co/izb0h9lt

Wow. WOW. FOX News calls bullshit on Ryan's lie-packed speech: http://t.co/QwVljaYA

Mitt. Has Not Once. Said What. He Will Do. To Fix. Fucking. ANYTHING. Not once. #debate

"Honey, get in here! The chair's on TV and it's yelling!" -- Clint Eastwood, right now

Jim Lehrer: "Miss, I-I'd like to order..."
Waitress: "SHUT UP NERD I'M NOT FINISHED WITH THE SPECIALS"
- at a diner tomorrow #debate

"I apologize for saying 'poor kids'. I meant 'ragamuffins.' Or 'guttersnipes.' Or perhaps 'urchins.' Adorable urchins." #debate

Best way to protest hate-chicken is to open a pro-gay chicken franchise. Name? Chik-fil-HAAAAAAAAY. *snap*

The way Candy's handling Mitt, I am 100% certain she's nannied for a spoiled, wealthy, only child. #debate

"If Clint Eastwood ever talks to a chair on national TV, people will need a way to reassure each other" -- inventor of Twitter, March 2006

This is why The Rapture won't happen. http://t.co/2uZnkYn

The McRib has come back like twenty times. Ball's in your court, Jesus.

Joe Biden just perfectly articulated why, although I'm an atheist, I value and respect my friends who aren't. #debate

Obama always talks like he's trying to calm down a hostage taker. #debate

Oh, and -- PLEASE no one mention the shooter. Give him zilch. He took out of the world & put nothing in. A germ
with a gun.

The Doobie Brothers reunion is in 17 hours. Someone's kidnapped Michael McDonald. Now Liam Neeson is...TAKEN: IT TO THE STREETS.

Macho Man Randy Savage was the only one who could have fought the Rapture demons. And God took him. IT'S HAPPENING, PEOPLE!

My conservative friends on Facebook are saying that Martha Raddatz is being "rude." That's how I know Ryan's losing. #debate