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Ryan is a nervous Walmart manager. Biden is an irate customer with the receipt, the warranty & he's friends w/ the store owner. #debate
This isn't so bad for Romney. He can easily win this without single moms, immigrants, the middle class or all women. #debate
RIP Steve Jobs. Closest thing we had to Tony Stark.
Mitt. Has Not Once. Said What. He Will Do. To Fix. Fucking. ANYTHING. Not once. #debate
"Honey, get in here! The chair's on TV and it's yelling!" -- Clint Eastwood, right now
Jim Lehrer: "Miss, I-I'd like to order..."
Waitress: "SHUT UP NERD I'M NOT FINISHED WITH THE SPECIALS"
- at a diner tomorrow #debate
"I apologize for saying 'poor kids'. I meant 'ragamuffins.' Or 'guttersnipes.' Or perhaps 'urchins.' Adorable urchins." #debate
Best way to protest hate-chicken is to open a pro-gay chicken franchise. Name? Chik-fil-HAAAAAAAAY. *snap*
The way Candy's handling Mitt, I am 100% certain she's nannied for a spoiled, wealthy, only child. #debate
"If Clint Eastwood ever talks to a chair on national TV, people will need a way to reassure each other" -- inventor of Twitter, March 2006
The McRib has come back like twenty times. Ball's in your court, Jesus.
Joe Biden just perfectly articulated why, although I'm an atheist, I value and respect my friends who aren't. #debate
Obama always talks like he's trying to calm down a hostage taker. #debate
Oh, and -- PLEASE no one mention the shooter. Give him zilch. He took out of the world & put nothing in. A germ
with a gun.
The Doobie Brothers reunion is in 17 hours. Someone's kidnapped Michael McDonald. Now Liam Neeson is...TAKEN: IT TO THE STREETS.
Macho Man Randy Savage was the only one who could have fought the Rapture demons. And God took him. IT'S HAPPENING, PEOPLE!
My conservative friends on Facebook are saying that Martha Raddatz is being "rude." That's how I know Ryan's losing. #debate
Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.