@paul_e_wog's (Paul E. Wog) most faved Tweets...
Probably the worst part about Thanksgiving and the Holidays in general is realizing that I'm the drunk uncle.
It's kind of sad really, but I bet the ancient Egyptians were so busy worshiping cats that they never got to see them chase a laser-pointer.
Hey right-wingers, if you don't want the President to address your kids, stop making babies.
That way everyone wins.
Mostly me though.
That way everyone wins.
Mostly me though.
Who do you think I am, Charles fucking Darwin? It doesn't matter which one came first as long as one of them is made into spicy hot-wings.
Whenever I see a pretty girl at the airport I always wonder where she's headed, what she's doing there and why she won't sleep with me.
It's been awhile since I've been on an actual date. You ladies are still into 'Star Wars' and alcoholics, right?
Of all the hotel rooms, in all the towns, in all the world, this call-girl walks into mine.
Which is good, because that's what I paid for.
Which is good, because that's what I paid for.
CNN reports the wild fire in California has doubled in size over the last 24 hours & that now it will never find a date in time for prom.
I bet a really good punishment the devil uses is to give people a never-ending bowl of tomato soup and no grilled cheese sandwiches.
I'm trying to describe the feeling of walking out into the Arizona heat, but "cock-slapped by Satan himself" is such an understatement.
I spent 30 minutes reading everything there is to know about Fraggle Rock and I still have no fucking clue what the Doozers were building.
At my funeral I'm going to have my brother read my entire tweet stream just so everyone knows I had a lot of fun while I was around.
Eating bow-tie pasta always gets me wondering; how many tiny spaghetti men go without proper neck-wear because of selfish people like me?
Most girls won't give me the time of day.
Probably because I always get really nervous and scream "WHAT TIME IS IT, MISS??" at them.
Probably because I always get really nervous and scream "WHAT TIME IS IT, MISS??" at them.
Man, I would kill for some Guinness right about now. But the 12 pack of Guinness and the dead body in my garage tells me I already have.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar