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genuinely considered masturbating in the marsall's dressing room i was in yesterday
any gals out there want a good catch? only things i can't offer are a nice body, money, a career, and the lack of a annoying cat - DM me
my new rap name is Marquee Post
if the fat and ugly girl at the office talks about both the diet she is on AND the date she has that night its actually ok to murder her fyi
i just caught myself wondering if there are chicks that have ever thought about me while masturbating
with all the snacks now available to us why are there still motherfuckers out there eatin pretzels
i tell ya my boy 'barry tone' is 'so prano' that he is 'all toes' and tenor......ah fuck nevermind
TOSS UP! Who do I want to kiss more? 1) Kate Upton 2) Fat Mexican Babies
The Sound and Guy Fieri #literaryrestaurants
just need to remember what my therapist keeps saying, 'sir this is a Currency Exchange, pull up your pants and stop blowing on that whistle'
'yeah sure, i drink white wine, alone at my house' - me, when im 67, and right now too
yo guys, the stroke i'm destined to have, i really hope i can count on the support of my friends and family when i have it. thanks eerybody.
just saw a couple in a passat with a greyhound in the backseat poking its head out the window. they will never know how much i hate them.
the mirror i just saw made my bi's (biceps) look pretty sweet - shoulda takin a pic guys sorry :(
"And this, THISSSS is my beautiful wife." - me holding my childhood teddy bear talking to my cat
"I like your personality but it's just that I don't really like you dick-wise, Dick Wise." - woman breaking up with a guy named 'Dick Wise'