Whoa! Brian Blessed is going to portray Lord Widemaw Scaleshaft! #dragonboners

Super excited about the announcement of George R. R. Martin's new TV series, Dragon Boners! #dragonboners

If you smell like syrup but haven't eaten syrup for days it's time to wash your beard.

Dear world: Not everyone in Portland is anti-fluoride. You're only laughing at part of the population.  http://gawker.com/quacks-of-all-political-persuations-fight-fluoridation-508884755 …

As a straight man, I think it's a little weird that my new sexual ideal is "Harry Hamlin on Mad Men."

HEADLINE: "French Historian Kills Himself After Gay Marriage Rant." See, homophobes? THAT'S how you do it!

"This device will change how we consume media. We will now consume it with our mouths."
*Eats TV shows*

"I make fuck to you. Like you wish me to. And I will not let go 'til the winter's through." - Russian Boys 2 Men

If I was in charge of editing 'Pulp Fiction' for broadcast TV, the wallet would read "BAD MOMMY BLOGGER"

XBox One knows seven defenses from this position. Four of them disarm with minimal harm. Two of them kill. The other... hurts. #xboxreveal

@elliotkort @pauljaycomic their home planet was Earth all along

They broke the mold when they made Chris Pine, and then they used that broken mold to make Paul Walker.

In honor of Ray Manzarek's passing, I just edited a bunch of nine minute keyboard solos out of songs from the seventies.

I think my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He bought a brand new sports car, and then blew his brains out in it.

@pauljaycomic happy b day to my favorite Twitter comic! For whatever that's worth...

Hey Warner Bros--I'm gonna eat and drink my weight in hors d'oeuvres and booze at your Hangover 3 premiere party. Thanks.

"What's the big deal with Valentine's Day anyway? It's just another holiday for the candy makers." #gayromcom Let's call homos"candy makers"

Besides the life-changing lechon at CnT, my fave thing in Cebu City was the old lady in the "My Dick Wants to Buy You a Beer" t-shirt.

My biggest problem with religion is that I'm 100% certain some Youth Pastor has referred to the bible as "the REAL Silver Linings Playbook"

"Daddy, are you cool?" "Haha! Isaiah, that's a rad question. Pause Veggie Tales and let's talk about the coolest guy who ever lived: Jesus."