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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,871
    • FAVS
    knownAsDickTheDeadfishSaysGoodSCGuynormmynormtweeterafNinsunGTheFatBurritosDanielCotton
    • 991
    • RETWEETS
    TheDeadfishSaysawordforawordGoodSCGuynormmynormRatchet7DonbodachiousTheFatBurritosdshack8
    4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,528
    • FAVS
    MatthewJRooneyknownAsDicknormmynormaspIodedSuperNerdyGeekMondayPajamasAuthowriteearth2ethan
    • 1,220
    • RETWEETS
    knownAsDicknormmynormGdabmeMondayPajamasAuthowritetrashtasticamichowltrollball
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,327
    • FAVS
    ninortagabrielknownAsDickEricCastiglianickfoshodrasamandajpandajstuart197T7_S4_tweeteraf
    • 965
    • RETWEETS
    ninortagabrielknownAsDickdxman830truegemini13lovemydogduckNinsunGTheFatBurritosdshack8
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,182
    • FAVS
    knownAsDickdmc1138TheDeadfishSaysawordforawordBJPrice1SilverBadgerMondayPajamas1_LAST_MISTAKE
    • 1,075
    • RETWEETS
    TheDeadfishSaysawordforawordGdabmeSilverBadgerMondayPajamasHeathenaspargusani4ka4ubigJT1977
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,166
    • FAVS
    SmurfetteDEOnTheBackFootButteDraggerlizzurdJenn_x2_SamuelHLoweknownAsDicka_olivia4212
    • 950
    • RETWEETS
    ButteDraggerSamuelHLoweMondayPajamas_14000_things_LordOfLeylandiStephenBCramerSabiha_fShahid_7141
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,030
    • FAVS
    knownAsDickalexxsoflyMondayPajamasGregoryJoanieMornintippajovan_tehRaffaiSethisingingdoves13
    • 633
    • RETWEETS
    knownAsDickBetty_HorrorMondayPajamasdumbcheryljovan_tehRaffaiSethinatalie_rbbyvettesmit04
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,062
    • FAVS
    knownAsDickthriftyfinnawordforaworddshack8Betty_HorrorMondayPajamasDawn_M_littledandeli0n
    • 470
    • RETWEETS
    knownAsDickawordforawordMondayPajamasSoulYodeleriifin1bryanne222LisaACOTASigneSaysSo__
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 807
    • FAVS
    awordforawordParkerlawyercaycepollardsuck_me_laterkcirtap11a_olivia4212raspberrychampnMondayPajamas
    • 491
    • RETWEETS
    awordforawordParkerlawyeryaylinuxa_olivia4212mav3yBetty_HorrorMondayPajamasjennifersaloser
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 797
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nSoulYodelerjunkyardiganTRBLmakerJBSTraceykemp8haistephiep2_pam
    • 317
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSptxcxRicanInBostonBaxDollMr_McGee9__chadlehellocoNoPantyClausTbone7219
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 690
    • FAVS
    MegsDollLin_BakerdevinefordParkerlawyercaycepollardsandymac5thistletat13a_olivia4212
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckParkerlawyeryaylinuxthistletat13a_olivia4212breatheandloveTRBLmakerJBSRyansGooch
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 704
    • FAVS
    gssparks1TheSkepticusawordforaworda_olivia4212Dawn_M_littledandeli0nTampaBayMommajunkyardigan
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    TheSkepticusawordforawordNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochLeaninKingTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZY
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 552
    • FAVS
    mcwoodyfuzenetworkParkerlawyernoranuttera_olivia4212littledandeli0nTampaBayMommaGrandxSupreme
    • 271
    • RETWEETS
    PTorrebiarteParkerlawyera_olivia4212littledandeli0ntruegemini13TampaBayMommaGrandxSupremebreatheandlove
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 538
    • FAVS
    ghostofphantomdeutschheutesaint1000louisjewellDawn_M_littledandeli0njunkyardiganTorriable
    • 229
    • RETWEETS
    ghostofphantomdshack8a_olivia4212stageleftphotoRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochcbme69ididntsayplease
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 557
    • FAVS
    Parkerlawyera_olivia4212luvmyADHDDawn_M_junkyardiganhythemafiaNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassad
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    RomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4Crocscbme69Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYpiyalisunshine
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 514
    • FAVS
    a_olivia4212texasstalkermomBlackCheesePieOH_GAWD_OF_FUNKbrewcitytatgirlYaffaDinaPandaBanderaIzi_Garcia
    • 230
    • RETWEETS
    a_olivia4212OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKPandaBanderaYasmineLeahIzi_Garciajefwin46AJ_VanFossenDawn_M_
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 447
    • FAVS
    awordforawordms_fancypants_SSparklesDailyDawn_M_littledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganbutchthow
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    awordforaworddshack8Nawyourecrazy4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYLMHPhotog
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 408
    • FAVS
    whitefireofhellawordforaworda_olivia4212Dawn_M_littledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganhythemafia
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    whitefireofhellawordforawordcbme69Josephmisiur__ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenShiroWaruinge_UGANDANCRAZY
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 407
    • FAVS
    awordforawordPrefersSleep_CursedTeaOhwillieheandkelly82dshack8Dawn_M_littledandeli0n
    • 132
    • RETWEETS
    citramdynaawordforaworddshack8kepiesslittledandeli0nRomaBlackWriterAmesTor1cbme69
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 374
    • FAVS
    deep_chopraAmezsterawordforawordParkerlawyerdshack8sam_stateslittledandeli0nZerofever
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    awordforawordZerofeverbreatheandloveBittyB3Tw1tter_K1ttenSkullfuckTTheTalkingPipehbreaker9999
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 351
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_shellybsalonlittledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganincognitocrayapputtan777Mr_McGee9__
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    littledandeli0nMr_McGee9__ericboveVictorSWintersNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterJosephmisiur__Tw1tter_K1tten
@pbear79

@pbear79
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What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.