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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,895
    • FAVS
    shanetheveinDonnie_rottenawordforawordgirlontapasewpersonlee_rynnclintgilMrmizilplix
    • 1,001
    • RETWEETS
    JennaraterfloorballerryanCountMackulat22cmulosMaxTitus12QwertyJones3bluetractor
    awordforawordMondayPajamas4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,535
    • FAVS
    KMayfield77the_rock_chicTheMiddleClashQwertyJones3bluetractorInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtMatthewJRooney
    • 1,227
    • RETWEETS
    KMayfield77Sassygirl7656QwertyJones3LyleD4DbluetractorInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtknownAsDick
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,335
    • FAVS
    greenchimerathe_rock_chicmadicoreyMachiavelli1532KittenMcKayQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rt
    • 972
    • RETWEETS
    floorballerryanmulosTheRealBoyceylilmissaquariusQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rtninortagabriel
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,204
    • FAVS
    chrishartZAkelter1elizabeths_7STLDannikjr241stlbluesgurl_77TrapperDaveterrycjt
    • 1,101
    • RETWEETS
    balluederPaulRoseenstlbluesgurl_77jeffbgoofyterrycjtAndee_StewartStuffByRobIwantmytrain
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,170
    • FAVS
    QwertyJones3bluetractorrebeccaszzli4mst3w4rtSmurfetteDEOnTheBackFootButteDraggerlizzurd
    • 951
    • RETWEETS
    InterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtButteDraggerSamuelHLoweMondayPajamas_14000_things_LordOfLeylandiStephenBCramer
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,036
    • FAVS
    floorballerryanJSMroczkowskiKittenMcKayQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rtknownAsDickalexxsofly
    • 637
    • RETWEETS
    floorballerryanSMOKEDOUTSTOMPSQwertyJones3li4mst3w4rtknownAsDickBetty_HorrorMondayPajamasdumbcheryl
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,067
    • FAVS
    MaxTitus12QwertyJones3bluetractorInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtknownAsDickthriftyfinnawordforaword
    • 473
    • RETWEETS
    QwertyJones3InterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtknownAsDickawordforawordMondayPajamasSoulYodeleriifin1
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 825
    • FAVS
    PlaqueAssassinhumanjerkyterrycjtTrapperDavemissy_schwabJess_Is_JadedAndee_Stewartuccjeb
    • 501
    • RETWEETS
    terrycjtTrapperDavekatiedx3Andee_StewartfloorballerryanHeyAmieHayate05QwertyJones3
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 805
    • FAVS
    Machiavelli1532ScreamNenaa_rndhouseMaxTitus12AnnalisaMilloQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rt
    • 322
    • RETWEETS
    floorballerryanesaa_yuliWayne_Bruce_QwertyJones3li4mst3w4rtTRBLmakerJBSptxcxRicanInBoston
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 694
    • FAVS
    MondayPajamasrebeccaszzInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtMegsDollLin_BakerdevinefordParkerlawyer
    • 356
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtlovemydogduckParkerlawyeryaylinuxthistletat13a_olivia4212
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtgssparks1TheSkepticusawordforaworda_olivia4212Dawn_M_littledandeli0nTampaBayMomma
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtTheSkepticusawordforawordNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochLeaninKingTw1tter_K1tten
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 565
    • FAVS
    SandyPanz15104_BiggermzTimTurbo3ripster31dirtroadergoaskaIexMsPaulaMACphxliberal
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    Bunnylennox96bhhgoaskaIexMoonStruckBecca10InchesPlusawordforawordboab15MondayPajamas
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 539
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtghostofphantomdeutschheutesaint1000louisjewellDawn_M_littledandeli0njunkyardigan
    • 230
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtghostofphantomdshack8a_olivia4212stageleftphotoRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochcbme69
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 559
    • FAVS
    TrueTorontoGirlli4mst3w4rtParkerlawyera_olivia4212luvmyADHDDawn_M_junkyardiganhythemafia
    • 199
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtRomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4Crocscbme69Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZY
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 515
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rta_olivia4212texasstalkermomBlackCheesePieOH_GAWD_OF_FUNKbrewcitytatgirlYaffaDinaPandaBandera
    • 232
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtMisterMe300a_olivia4212OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKPandaBanderaYasmineLeahIzi_Garciajefwin46
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 448
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtawordforawordms_fancypants_SSparklesDailyDawn_M_littledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardigan
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtawordforaworddshack8Nawyourecrazy4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZY
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 411
    • FAVS
    AngelicaBrillaFlowerChild037li4mst3w4rtwhitefireofhellawordforaworda_olivia4212Dawn_M_littledandeli0n
    • 196
    • RETWEETS
    FlowerChild037li4mst3w4rtwhitefireofhellawordforawordcbme69Josephmisiur__ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1tten
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 408
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtawordforawordPrefersSleep_CursedTeaOhwillieheandkelly82dshack8Dawn_M_
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtcitramdynaawordforaworddshack8kepiesslittledandeli0nRomaBlackWriterAmesTor1
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 375
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtdeep_chopraAmezsterawordforawordParkerlawyerdshack8sam_stateslittledandeli0n
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtawordforawordZerofeverbreatheandloveBittyB3Tw1tter_K1ttenSkullfuckTTheTalkingPipe
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 352
    • FAVS
    li4mst3w4rtDawn_M_shellybsalonlittledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganSuicidaldearapputtan777
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtlittledandeli0nMr_McGee9__ericboveVictorSWintersNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterJosephmisiur__
@pbear79

@pbear79
Pro

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.