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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 2,066
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpsterVirgnCowboynotman88ShaneGilliattMsBishop88heatherlou_Copulatermannulljosh
    • 1,096
    • RETWEETS
    VirgnCowboycaminorandyMsBishop88heatherlou_DearAbbySimonjctsmileyonegirlontapasmattZillaaaa
    awordforawordMondayPajamas4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,670
    • FAVS
    jejehochnotman88RyncasaurusMinivanBarbieShaneGilliattheatherlou_Copulatermanistx25
    • 1,466
    • RETWEETS
    jejehochMinivanBarbiecaminorandyheatherlou_istx25nulljoshShashannaPrinceDr_EsFoX
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,670
    • FAVS
    therealrcrosbynotman88jeanmchlMexicanGunShowheatherlou_CopulatermanThee1_4Uricherdpictures
    • 1,342
    • RETWEETS
    colleensmoke14notman88jeanmchlmarybridget19heatherlou_jctsmileyoneBenjaw1ncheybopp
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,501
    • FAVS
    MysticalMahnkeCwmDumpsternotman88heatherlou_McCutty1SebStrandbergricherdpicturesjctsmileyone
    • 1,066
    • RETWEETS
    16MDohertyTaz7289TweetTheDudeCwmDumpsternotman88caminorandyheatherlou_McCutty1
    abrosenthalTheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,295
    • FAVS
    olerunkbitchimhhksmokeymccheefoheatherlou_LeahJMmanuelvd451VM_Vanderhugeeliassen_mel
    • 1,008
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_KimberleymakadoMossyOakJuliet_LostCowgirl17emmaoh22DanielleKanousHorsesAreBettershirebitch
    jkstills__Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,111
    • FAVS
    allhailmozzadeutschheutejctsmileyonemattZillaaaajkstills__avxlanchePAGilmore_CEOcheyenn10316666
    • 676
    • RETWEETS
    jctsmileyoneTeejayRushlucidchemistryHarmonyRamblesms_willowkelsdrapergm_cage96bhh
    HarmonyRamblesiamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,134
    • FAVS
    smokeymccheefoheatherlou_jctsmileyoneNone4MeThanxgirlontapasMilyMcSheppyAFineWinoOfflinersMovie
    • 504
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneNone4MeThanxgirlontapasTiffanyhope222mattZillaaaaTeejayRushlucidchemistry
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 942
    • FAVS
    KinkyAlchemyMiddleageMheatherlou_SunandSipCupsLeahJMunFinishdObjectcheeky_dresportyrocks
    • 567
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_SunandSipCupsLeahJMLoverOfComics94One2thTEXANjctsmileyone2thestreetz18sydney
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 851
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpsterheatherlou_AllDependsricherdpicturesjiffypops97LoverOfComics94jctsmileyonejkstills__
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_DictionaryVoicebirdiepls1jiffypops97LoverOfComics94jctsmileyoneTeejayRushmaddawg_92
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 739
    • FAVS
    MiddleageMheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejustwanttobeme3tddybearsuicidejkstills__TeejayRush
    • 381
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneravi_sinhaajkstills__TeejayRushlucidchemistrybrain_omengm_cage
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 751
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpsterheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejkstills__1_swarthy_dudePck14RomyBrightoniana
    • 342
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_trainwreck1000gm_cage96bhhtencatmansionTwiterrNaziHlaoRooSir_Strange
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 628
    • FAVS
    ma5quLOVE_russelheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneShiv__89RantingsOfaGirlRobert_Hodson
    • 309
    • RETWEETS
    LOVE_russelheatherlou_jctsmileyoneNoKraziness9bone_sharonjkstills__HannahWinchellImJESSPlayin
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 579
    • FAVS
    larrisabriansheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejkstills__crownandrocksImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dude
    • 247
    • RETWEETS
    iSunofaBeachlarrisabriansheatherlou_jctsmileyoneImJESSPlayinSamuraiBatgirlPck14Romygm_cage
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyonejkstills__jenixxiJimiTechmanImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dudedukster57
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneHannahWinchellImJESSPlayingm_cage96bhhTwiterrNazicydnizoi
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    deviledlegsMrAssholeToYouheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudeMomReluctantRawanFakhoury1
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    davidsthfcheatherlou_jctsmileyoneRawanFakhoury1gm_cage96bhhBadaBingecambuslad
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 502
    • FAVS
    MrAssholeToYouBackpackerBooieheatherlou_0MGitsJ3SSdavehoseyunFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneimgettinghealth
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    MrAssholeToYouheatherlou_CanadianMclovinLerkyms_willowgm_cageRhinoURShaunRightNow
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 460
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpster_masala_chaiBackpackerBooieheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneSENSummit2013crownandrocks
    • 226
    • RETWEETS
    _masala_chaiheatherlou_jctsmileyonecrownandrocksImJESSPlayinanthracitedubWheresRobPressFrizerkaSandra
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 429
    • FAVS
    jctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudechildskyleighRawanFakhoury1gm_cageainnecdotespantsfacedonume_
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    jctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudegm_cagebavinnyShaunRightNowcornellmalcolm96bhhMedicatedMark
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    nickyboyWTFunFinishdObjectauburnjasondeutschheutejctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudegm_cageSaltFund
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    auburnjasonjctsmileyonemllebeckyroseShaunRightNowkspinks4485seeisosimmy96bhhAmaniderella
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 380
    • FAVS
    unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudeblgriebbrain_omendrugsandbonersTEAM_BANEgm_cage
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    jctsmileyonedukster57brain_omenTEAM_BANEgm_cagekspinks448596bhhnovicefather
@pbear79

@pbear79

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.