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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 2,033
    • FAVS
    HSW3Ksnobbygirl17SlyPinkspy1_swarthy_dudevalzhoganjensfwangthesupermuffcharissajoonXO
    • 1,079
    • RETWEETS
    1_swarthy_dudecharissajoonXOBWNewYorkmorganhoneybGajniKant_CanadianMclovinElPasofistgm_cage
    awordforawordMondayPajamas4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,645
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dude1r2nsLunaLaEscritoraDiceHarmonyRamblesleavingnehalemsarcasticleighchristinawilderSoCoolHollywood
    • 1,448
    • RETWEETS
    LizzieJGsarcasticleighBWNewYorkSoCoolHollywoodCanadianMclovinElPasofistmajgs_DeannaNJ
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,640
    • FAVS
    omgitsjfizzyKaseyfanmariahGuido_rockstarsfreeze6Bodidley861_swarthy_dudeCurtmacklincaperbc75
    • 1,324
    • RETWEETS
    Guido_rockstarImJESSPlayinDave999975cideeonecaperbc75Kilgore_Studgekrysp86_poolVlad_Rocks
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,469
    • FAVS
    JayKappyJrjohnnyoconnScubaqueen01johnthejackjuliaByers10KarEllDotsChef_MadewellTheRealNickKay
    • 1,049
    • RETWEETS
    PogMoThoin13ADumbBlonde56FlyingHuman0idjameswoudhuysenFreakinMervGeorg_GreySammieMariaoxun1xphysco
    abrosenthalTheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,240
    • FAVS
    LaEscritoraDiceHarmonyRamblesCanadianMclovinLaFuzzyNoirElPasofistrutgerafterhourHannahSymmondsgm_cage
    • 980
    • RETWEETS
    ElPasofistKendall97AndrewHannahSymmondsgm_cageShaunRightNowprajwaltashitgrxceunique01_
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,098
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudems_willowkelsdrapersarakelly1601SuburbanComagm_cagewhiskey_teacupPetote
    • 672
    • RETWEETS
    ms_willowkelsdrapergm_cage96bhhwhatupmuttBadaBingeimpulsiveNSir_Strange
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,117
    • FAVS
    snobbygirl17KenknudsonKen1_swarthy_dudemadgej2716SouthsideMickdaniel_frijolesgm_cageNinja_Soup_
    • 495
    • RETWEETS
    1_swarthy_dudedaniel_frijolesgm_cageOhHell_CherryShaunRightNow96bhhnovicefatherSir_Strange
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 923
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudeRandomFlumpPck14Romygm_cageemilymenacewhiskey_teacupShaunRightNowPetote
    • 556
    • RETWEETS
    gm_cagewhiskey_teacupmiss_dentalShipInTheKnightTMcgutsCurtmacklinjumpdasharkspeknyc
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 839
    • FAVS
    redhero1_swarthy_dudePck14Romygm_cagewhiskey_teacupSavageAphroditetheagglikouColMoneyshot
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    samurairunningNorthernNewMumBrightonianaMellyHatchetgm_cageColMoneyshotDeathparadeNLStrThry
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 729
    • FAVS
    madgej2716MellyHatchetbrain_omengm_cagewhiskey_teacupCravenMo69Petotesilent_musings
    • 375
    • RETWEETS
    brain_omengm_cagePetote96bhhnovicefathercranky_unfun_1Sir_Strangewick186
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 746
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudePck14RomyBrightonianadidyeayyyyewakenbakeygm_cageShaunRightNowsilent_musings
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    wakenbakeygm_cage96bhhtencatmansionStoryOnFlipsideHlaoRooSir_Strangenessva
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 618
    • FAVS
    jenixxiJimiTechmanMentionahhniggaPieChordImJESSPlayinSteveod1234gavinj1999Benjaw1n
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    HannahWinchellImJESSPlayinclaireodon79gavinj1999Benjaw1nninjamoose1011_swarthy_dudeSamuraiBatgirl
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 574
    • FAVS
    crownandrocksImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dudeBeamishBoiSamuraiBatgirlPck14Romygm_cagePurePapua
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    ImJESSPlayinSamuraiBatgirlPck14Romygm_cage96bhhZackowackomackoSpankMeIm0tyBadaBinge
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 561
    • FAVS
    jenixxiJimiTechmanImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dudedukster57RawanFakhoury1daniel_frijolesChipKellysBalls
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    HannahWinchellImJESSPlayingm_cage96bhhStoryOnFlipsidecydnizoiHlaoRooSir_Strange
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 585
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudeMomReluctantRawanFakhoury1hope4avacalluptomegm_cagesilent_musingskisseykat1
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    RawanFakhoury1gm_cage96bhhBadaBingecambusladMedicatedMarkcarlykenli4mst3w4rt
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 494
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudeae_love1017RubberGlueFUCanadianMclovinLerkyms_willowjanna_faceShagasaurus
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    CanadianMclovinLerkyms_willowgm_cageRhinoURShaunRightNow96bhh_SiennaFaye
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 454
    • FAVS
    SENSummit2013crownandrocksjenixxiImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dudejacieleealmiraSENsynergyWheresRobPress
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    crownandrocksImJESSPlayinanthracitedubWheresRobPressFrizerkaSandraTEAM_BANEgm_cage96bhh
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 428
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudechildskyleighRawanFakhoury1gm_cageainnecdotespantsfacedonume_bavinny
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    1_swarthy_dudegm_cagebavinnyShaunRightNowcornellmalcolm96bhhMedicatedMarkTRBLmakerJBS
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 398
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudegm_cageSaltFundmllebeckyroseShaunRightNowBadaBingeSweetsugarloveynovicefather
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    mllebeckyroseShaunRightNowkspinks4485seeisosimmy96bhhAmaniderellaBadaBingequeenscot
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 378
    • FAVS
    1_swarthy_dudeblgriebbrain_omendrugsandbonersTEAM_BANEgm_cageShaunRightNowthemissinglinc
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    dukster57brain_omenTEAM_BANEgm_cagekspinks448596bhhnovicefatherSir_Strange
@pbear79

@pbear79
Pro

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.