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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,658
    • FAVS
    JuaxooRightOJackDanOnDrugsjkstillsStephenBCramerMLO553DearSingleBlondechacha
    • 863
    • RETWEETS
    Juaxoozawadi_mRightOJackDanOnDrugsMLO553osridinDearSingleBlondechacha
    TheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,287
    • FAVS
    rdjftniallRightOJackDanOnDrugsjkstillsStephenBCramerKaasidy_DearSingleBlondechacha
    • 1,043
    • RETWEETS
    DearSingleBlondechachagregg_marcyPapa_MexRIKSHAZ9LICKbooyahchadlyGirliegurllHollyGMD
    pizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,155
    • FAVS
    RightOJackClaireclaClairesoul_cravingonume_DanOnDrugsThe1OnlyWBRMasquerader_jkstills
    • 823
    • RETWEETS
    soul_craving_ropinaonume_DanOnDrugsThe1OnlyWBRbatsflywestjkstillsPJisBeast
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ____robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 973
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsMelWuvNiekerkNicholasLeigh_AndrewsPhinallyHereUkama_NalprodgersGoddess_Rae
    • 942
    • RETWEETS
    linds_roweajay_cptFenDog_NiekerkNicholasdanteofdoomDaveylevinsohnbassetzooQuinton_H
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,013
    • FAVS
    KeystoneKid27ko12kozaNabeelahSoekerThe1OnlyWBRMasquerader_CoolGuyDomsafwaansibdacrummyryan
    • 875
    • RETWEETS
    Masquerader_crummyryanDamien404jkstillsthatgirlMOLengsanity1Papa_Mexcigarin
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 973
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsAlexandiaMisfitTwittingMFchris1wernerSpiderogerpmclellanAGStr8upNinjaStephenBCramer
    • 427
    • RETWEETS
    ConradArmy225chris1wernerSpiderogerAGStr8upNinjaPapa_Mexbooyahchadlyguhli8Tilescrubber
    Alyssa_JolieCpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 847
    • FAVS
    XGroverXNawtyMynxStephenBCramermadamcheezyPIMPBRIGHTYouRang5logan_ruyakohhhmargexo
    • 509
    • RETWEETS
    ohhhmargexoPapa_Mexlacrossemom5GrillinChillin9Iggles302BadMikeyBadiammaylynnTrippWalden
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 723
    • FAVS
    ClaireclaClairesoul_cravingDanOnDrugsXGroverX_Bad_KarmaleemahersalzmanStnkyWeaslTeetsnakedlaughing
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    soul_cravingsrsoenartoStnkyWeaslTeetsnakedlaughingPapa_MexiammaylynnGuyThe_Guyzacharyloveu
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 621
    • FAVS
    soul_cravingDanOnDrugsStephenBCramerbrandiburlandKafeenAddictBertCarrillomadamcheezykissmeparsley
    • 359
    • RETWEETS
    DanOnDrugsBroke_GurladermenzhiPapa_MexpizzacatsanddixthemusicalyoginiammaylynnGuyThe_Guy
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 633
    • FAVS
    ElDJDURODanOnDrugsStephenBCramerthereverendcinkelizabeths_7FreekOnnaLeashtehaveragejoelmlmmlmmlm
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    Violent2Dope304FreekOnnaLeashmlmmlmmlmDaHess1rosegalv7GuyThe_GuyTalaRose221ShylahHarlow
    missamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 600
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsStephenBCramerCourtneyStults1thereverendcinktexasstalkermomhyperbarnowlGuyThe_GuyJUSTLisandra
    • 286
    • RETWEETS
    GuyThe_GuyMs612ShylahHarlowcbme69signorinaSantaChace_Success__L0wkeiAfricanCaesar
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 488
    • FAVS
    PanicRestroomDanOnDrugsStephenBCramerTammy2ToneJUSTLisandrashkeeberThePhoenixOWirtuallyYours
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    creepyfunnyWirtuallyYoursWhatsHerFace3313KrzyTheIronSherkkayujawaTheGrimKingRmSpace
    leo_mak27
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 466
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsStephenBCramerjaggedapepurdon91thereverendcinkbooyahchadlyTammy2ToneJUSTLisandra
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    jdude988jaggedapebooyahchadlyglitzritzMzWellsh40wellsh40LetGoBeFreeDoUTheGrimKing
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 465
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsStephenBCramerthereverendcinkJUSTLisandrashkeeberTheIronSherkJessObsessTheGrimKing
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingpan_opt_iconMarcSeguin2Emperor_Dot66____bitchkrieg________shot_of_caboBaldylockzzz______TRBLmakerJBS______
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 490
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsStephenBCramer4thWallsOhighIsisberthlindukschizophrenictweeterreader36LetGoBeFreeDoU
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    4thWallsOhighIsisWayne_Bruce_LetGoBeFreeDoUpeoplelikebikes13KrzyTheIronSherknakedlaughing
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerthereverendcinkbooyahchadlyTammy2ToneJUSTLisandraJulesC70dafuqheadLetGoBeFreeDoU
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    glitzritzJulesC70LetGoBeFreeDoUashwinrhegdeshkeeberBiitchpiitchTheGrimKingVictorSWinters
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 356
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsStephenBCramerthereverendcinkNikoleBainStaxx_83Tammy2ToneJUSTLisandraDilatedEV
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    Staxx_83thatboy316Tammy2ToneWebbPaganfingerLetGoBeFreeDoULox_21eatfignewtonsWhatsHerFace33
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsnakedlaughingStephenBCramerdrewpetrouKeep_Going_1LetGoBeFreeDoUthereverendcinkTammy2Tone
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    nakedlaughingdrewpetrounizaam325LetGoBeFreeDoUgtfiskTheIronSherkTheGrimKingstaceouterspace
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 343
    • FAVS
    76coopDanOnDrugsnakedlaughingStephenBCramermusicaddict7547titsLetGoBeFreeDoUthereverendcink
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    76coopDanOnDrugsnakedlaughingiamporgyLetGoBeFreeDoUBiitchpiitchTheGrimKinglisaocallahan
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 310
    • FAVS
    DanOnDrugsPenguinCrystalJamestaculusnakedlaughingStephenBCramerthereverendcinkPgfromindiana____Staxx_83
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    MyOwnWayToRockPenguinCrystalnakedlaughingStaxx_83CowboyUpTravTammy2ToneTheGrimKingAlexvanBeek
@pbear79

@pbear79

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.