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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 2,073
    • FAVS
    BrdnHatesYouYo_Yo_Robogeedropsthemicwyoung8921Piotr14TrabourgeoisalienChireBaileyCwmDumpster
    • 1,103
    • RETWEETS
    TrailerMagazineIamJoshHollandBrdnHatesYouwyoung8921Piotr14TraMontagnaTonybourgeoisalienVirgnCowboy
    awordforawordMondayPajamas4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,687
    • FAVS
    harryeade96heatlebjorndavid_tullBrooks_Dohertyalymoemalyshaunroddisblue_stockingRRio8
    • 1,472
    • RETWEETS
    harryeade96tamsinbestKeeleyObsessedPh1lmHelenaHartUdavid_tullAngieUnderfootSophiie_PY
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,682
    • FAVS
    ToxicWorrierSweetsugarloveymegan_nicole26HourglassChicLissabeanzeatmorgdorsalstreamJohn_M15
    • 1,345
    • RETWEETS
    BrdnHatesYouLissabeanzlexiidestinyyJohn_M15K__g_nV_g_nscarianebourgeoisaliencolleensmoke14
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,515
    • FAVS
    EatReadSleepDBwiddaDBMommy_Daisy1072_salman_hassan_seeingyou71EternalVeteran7avsummsBrdnHatesYou
    • 1,079
    • RETWEETS
    EatReadSleepMrsAshwoodbriangbcMirSanaullahthirikuNtuleleavsummsBrdnHatesYou
    abrosenthalTheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZrobocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,295
    • FAVS
    olerunkbitchimhhksmokeymccheefoheatherlou_LeahJMmanuelvd451VM_Vanderhugeeliassen_mel
    • 1,008
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_KimberleymakadoMossyOakJuliet_LostCowgirl17emmaoh22DanielleKanousHorsesAreBettershirebitch
    jkstillsIlovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,112
    • FAVS
    allisonsmithmar__ryankeslersdeutschheutejctsmileyonemattZillaaaajkstillsavxlanchePAGilmore_CEO
    • 677
    • RETWEETS
    allisonsmithmar__jctsmileyoneTeeJayRushlucidchemistryHarmonyRamblesms_willowkelsdrapergm_cage
    HarmonyRamblesiamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,134
    • FAVS
    smokeymccheefoheatherlou_jctsmileyoneNone4MeThanxgirlontapasMilyMcSheppyAFineWinoOfflinersMovie
    • 504
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneNone4MeThanxgirlontapasTiffanyhope222mattZillaaaaTeeJayRushlucidchemistry
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 942
    • FAVS
    KinkyAlchemyMiddleageMheatherlou_SunandSipCupsLeahJMunFinishdObjectcheeky_dresportyrocks
    • 568
    • RETWEETS
    RandomFlumpheatherlou_SunandSipCupsLeahJMLoverOfComics94One2thTEXANjctsmileyone2thestreetz
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 851
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpsterheatherlou_AllDependsricherdpicturesjiffypops97LoverOfComics94jctsmileyonejkstills
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_DictionaryVoicebirdiepls1jiffypops97LoverOfComics94jctsmileyoneTeeJayRushmaddawg_92
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 739
    • FAVS
    MiddleageMheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejustwanttobeme3tddybearsuicidejkstillsTeeJayRush
    • 381
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneravi_sinhaajkstillsTeeJayRushlucidchemistrybrain_omengm_cage
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 751
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpsterheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejkstills1_swarthy_dudePck14RomyBrightoniana
    • 342
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_trainwreck1000gm_cage96bhhtencatmansionTwiterrNaziHlaoRooSir_Strange
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 628
    • FAVS
    ma5quLOVE_russelheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneShiv__89RantingsOfaGirlRobert_Hodson
    • 309
    • RETWEETS
    LOVE_russelheatherlou_jctsmileyoneNoKraziness9bone_sharonjkstillsHannahWinchellImJESSPlayin
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 579
    • FAVS
    larrisabriansheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejkstillscrownandrocksImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dude
    • 247
    • RETWEETS
    iSunofaBeachlarrisabriansheatherlou_jctsmileyoneImJESSPlayinSamuraiBatgirlPck14Romygm_cage
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyonejkstillsjenixxiJimiTechmanImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dudedukster57
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneHannahWinchellImJESSPlayingm_cage96bhhTwiterrNazicydnizoi
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    deviledlegsMrAssholeToYouheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudeMomReluctantRawanFakhoury1
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    davidsthfcheatherlou_jctsmileyoneRawanFakhoury1gm_cage96bhhBadaBingecambuslad
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 502
    • FAVS
    MrAssholeToYouBackpackerBooieheatherlou_0MGitsJ3SSdavehoseyunFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneimgettinghealth
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    MrAssholeToYouheatherlou_CanadianMclovinLerkyms_willowgm_cageRhinoURShaunRightNow
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 460
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpster_masala_chaiBackpackerBooieheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneSENSummit2013crownandrocks
    • 226
    • RETWEETS
    _masala_chaiheatherlou_jctsmileyonecrownandrocksImJESSPlayinanthracitedubWheresRobPressFrizerkaSandra
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 429
    • FAVS
    jctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudemorebreadformeRawanFakhoury1gm_cageainnecdotespantsfacedonume_
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    jctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudegm_cagebavinnyShaunRightNowcornellmalcolm96bhhMedicatedMark
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    nickyboyWTFunFinishdObjectAJslackiedeutschheutejctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudegm_cageSaltFund
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    AJslackiejctsmileyonemllebeckyroseShaunRightNowkspinks4485seeisosimmy96bhhAmaniderella
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 380
    • FAVS
    unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudeblgriebbrain_omendrugsandbonersTEAM_BANEgm_cage
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    jctsmileyonedukster57brain_omenTEAM_BANEgm_cagekspinks448596bhhnovicefather
@pbear79

@pbear79

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.

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