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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,793
    • FAVS
    K_Love125VanbelleJarno4CrocsAJ_Ortiz58RexRizzocloudypianosbulldoza86JesKeepSwimming
    • 945
    • RETWEETS
    holliekeartonVN_Ruben4CrocsNickVentimigliaCandyTripComicMischievousJamAndyAsAdjectiveanbayanyay
    4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,454
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJenni_Bethrage_chaosamydillonJesKeepSwimmingmmflood7777cassmefar36ryanvanover2012
    • 1,158
    • RETWEETS
    4CrocsPIPHERGROUP_annawatsJesKeepSwimmingdan_jugzryanvanover2012latikiamiawkoue
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,263
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingDick252mmflood7777bannap36amiegalletteGeniusLWalwynSuburbanComa
    • 912
    • RETWEETS
    4CrocsRJ_Lentzmmflood7777Mexi77Stephie2010AustinNix123amiegallettesexeblogger
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,083
    • FAVS
    RajSreedharrage_chaosSoMeF4TkIDJesKeepSwimmingDickScurvyGirlnugzkuusela34GET_harLOW
    • 1,002
    • RETWEETS
    JesKeepSwimmingjoshuaLwebsterChrisSchutterkuusela34ciaravenuealixandra_kDasBeeshklg1193
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,114
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingDickScurvykuusela341000mindsofmeMs_WhateverVwordsartmagicschiavona
    • 925
    • RETWEETS
    4Crocs1000mindsofmeklg1193Ms_WhateverVBigJonBulnerojvajrailuvzombiebarcelonist_boy
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 952
    • FAVS
    4Crocsrage_chaosJenni_BethJesKeepSwimmingMs_WindantisocialistaandrewrleightoniVagBrooke
    • 582
    • RETWEETS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingantisocialistastephieann_loveDickScurvyB_A_Smilerjnellbgkuusela34
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,030
    • FAVS
    4CrocsBittyB3rage_chaosJesKeepSwimmingDickScurvykuusela34Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1tten
    • 455
    • RETWEETS
    4CrocsBittyB3JesKeepSwimmingTw1tter_K1ttenSalemAli1414iibntwalahUGANDANCRAZYCheetCheetTrain
    Alyssa_JolieCpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 755
    • FAVS
    4Crocsrage_chaostupacasnackJesKeepSwimmingDilemmaEmmaEmmaandrewrleightontheonlyeringiVagBrooke
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingperduem2003whitney_beeelatikiaDickScurvyTRBLmakerJBSeshurne
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 772
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingDickScurvyMs_WhateverVGirlGoneGuanoIzzyIlluminatesThe_onlyMattyTw1tter_K1tten
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    Tw1tter_K1ttenSniffSumCharlieSalemAli1414iibntwalahUGANDANCRAZYkspinks4485SkullfuckTEightinchgoat
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 674
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVIzzyIlluminatesTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__ka_mwanaSanuTweetsU
    • 345
    • RETWEETS
    Tw1tter_K1ttenDaReal_YungJockbarcelonist_boyiibntwalahUGANDANCRAZYSanuTweetsUHappyHijabbiWICKEDTRUTH01
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 687
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVIzzyIlluminatesLeaninKingTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__SniffSumCharlie
    • 321
    • RETWEETS
    LeaninKingTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTSolelyBJersey_GeordiePopuptoastEightinchgoat
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 527
    • FAVS
    4CrocsInsulinAddict12sheri8900BittyB3cbme69JesKeepSwimmingKinkQueenOH_GAWD_OF_FUNK
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    BittyB3cbme69OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKTw1tter_K1ttenbarcelonist_boyiibntwalahUGANDANCRAZYSanuTweetsU
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 523
    • FAVS
    4CrocsBittyB3cbme69JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__pratik_DRB
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    cbme69ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenbarcelonist_boyUGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTEightinchgoatpaul_dozer
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 545
    • FAVS
    4Crocscbme69JesKeepSwimmingLivewire3791CassfullofjoyMs_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__
    • 196
    • RETWEETS
    4Crocscbme69Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYpiyalisunshineSanuTweetsUHappyHijabbi
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 490
    • FAVS
    4Crocscbme69JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__ShortyCgbSkullfuckT
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1tteneziovegabondUGANDANCRAZYkspinks4485SkullfuckTtherealADgenius
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 433
    • FAVS
    4CrocsInsulinAddict12cbme69JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__LMHPhotog
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYLMHPhotogSkullfuckTEightinchgoatGrumpyBahr
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 399
    • FAVS
    4CrocsInsulinAddict12cbme69JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVlovemesomekstewTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    cbme69Josephmisiur__ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenShiroWaruinge_UGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTfoxybox
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 393
    • FAVS
    4CrocsInsulinAddict12BeatnikBitchsheri8900cbme69rage_chaosJennifer_bbwJesKeepSwimming
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    AmesTor1cbme69JesKeepSwimmingiamKarenju_TTheDapperDonShiroWaruinge_UGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckT
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 362
    • FAVS
    4CrocsBittyB3JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttensummerlovin543__SkullfuckTEightinchgoat
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    BittyB3Tw1tter_K1ttenSkullfuckTTheTalkingPipehbreaker9999SchemerScreamer76coopDanOnDrugs
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 336
    • FAVS
    4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingTw1tter_K1ttenrelobotomizedHappyHijabbiSkullfuckTJenestyleLINZH0E
    • 157
    • RETWEETS
    Josephmisiur__Tw1tter_K1ttenHappyHijabbiSkullfuckTFyrekrakr73EightinchgoatPinchySnipershawnspree
@pbear79

@pbear79
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What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.