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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,812
    • FAVS
    kratosfrostbitejunkyardigandaniimintmelissaisboringBombayHeychReeceWatkins777hythemafiadylanmackinnon2
    • 962
    • RETWEETS
    Fifi_BergerecynthetismCoomseyBombayHeychbecmctaggartjennjardineeReeceWatkins777Goach1995
    4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,472
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganiviguerTorriableTraceykemp8mmabarbie007ChazballparkPoloniumPizzaTrout_Slayer_
    • 1,168
    • RETWEETS
    iviguerTorriablemmabarbie007soonerfan0370Tbone7219TRBLmakerJBShythemafiaNawyourecrazy
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,278
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTorriableacoone2mmabarbie007someawesomechicninjamoose101Tbone7219TRBLmakerJBS
    • 925
    • RETWEETS
    Torriableninjamoose101Tbone7219TRBLmakerJBSkjcapricornLMHPhotoghythemafiaRomaBlackWriter
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,117
    • FAVS
    amymay26junkyardiganTorriableTraceykemp8butchthowmmabarbie007sporthugsPurvPatel15
    • 1,019
    • RETWEETS
    PurvPatel15Dkredvetteun1xphyscoTbone7219weirdsavantCartographyBoyCharlotteA_96LMHPhotog
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,126
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTorriableroshan_pdlnormancallmezdellenburgcleerusTraceykemp8Tbone7219
    • 928
    • RETWEETS
    TorriablePURPLE_HAZE77airwalk_11belle4beauTbone7219TRBLmakerJBS4Crocs1000mindsofme
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 967
    • FAVS
    cynthetismKylollapaloozathatnerdychikLisaLisafarrjunkyardiganiviguerTorriableTraceykemp8
    • 590
    • RETWEETS
    cynthetismA_TribsjunkyardiganlazyboykapilchadlehellocoMILFDianeTbone7219RyansGooch
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,041
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganiviguerTRBLmakerJBSdaniimintapsparacinohythemafiaNawyourecrazyHalf_Quixotic
    • 461
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBShythemafiaNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassadRomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4CrocsBittyB3
    Alyssa_JolieCpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 772
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTorriabledaniimintkristibrinsonapsparacinoDr_awfulpantshythemafiaitwillnothappen
    • 465
    • RETWEETS
    noahgrahamhythemafiaUnion_jackkkMartianAmbassadRomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4CrocsJesKeepSwimming
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 794
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTRBLmakerJBSTraceykemp8haistephiep2_pamptxcxRicanInBostonBaxDoll
    • 317
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSptxcxRicanInBostonBaxDollMr_McGee9chadlehellocoNoPantyClausTbone7219
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    charrrllaaTRBLmakerJBShythemafiaRyansGoochUnicornSyrup4CrocsJesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverV
    • 347
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSRyansGoochTw1tter_K1ttenDaReal_YungJockbarcelonist_boyiibntwalahUGANDANCRAZYSanuTweetsU
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 697
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganBad_DoggzhythemafiazolofighterNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassadRomaBlackWritergabemakesmusic
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    NawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochLeaninKingTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTSolelyB
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 544
    • FAVS
    TorriableTRBLmakerJBSTraceykemp8adele655321ChristineVensanchadlehellocoabby_the_asianNoPantyClaus
    • 263
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSChristineVensanNoPantyClausTbone7219NawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterBY1959ColinRWillis
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 532
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTorriablehythemafiaNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassadstageleftphotopilotstigRomaBlackWriter
    • 226
    • RETWEETS
    stageleftphotoRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochcbme69ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenbarcelonist_boyUGANDANCRAZY
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 553
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganhythemafiaNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassadRomaBlackWriterSleazySlifeelingsosubbyRyansGooch
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    RomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4Crocscbme69Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYpiyalisunshine
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 502
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTraceykemp8tsst1084bduedevmacnBrazierTreatsTbone7219hythemafia
    • 222
    • RETWEETS
    BrazierTreatsTbone7219RomaBlackWriter4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1tteneziovegabondUGANDANCRAZY
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 441
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganbutchthowBad_DoggzhythemafiaDreamsOfControlrobkirk77NawyourecrazyRyansGooch
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    Nawyourecrazy4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYLMHPhotogSkullfuckTEightinchgoat
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 402
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganhythemafiaRyansGooch4CrocsInsulinAddict12cbme69JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverV
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    cbme69Josephmisiur__ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenShiroWaruinge_UGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTfoxybox
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 398
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganhythemafiaconcretesledge_RomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4CrocsInsulinAddict12BeatnikBitch
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    RomaBlackWriterAmesTor1cbme69JesKeepSwimmingiamKarenju_TTheDapperDonShiroWaruinge_UGANDANCRAZY
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 347
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganincognitocrayvipinkmar777Mr_McGee9hythemafiaericboveVictorSWintersCaraFnParrish
    • 162
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_McGee9ericboveVictorSWintersNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterJosephmisiur__Tw1tter_K1ttenHappyHijabbi
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 365
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganhythemafiaRyansGooch4CrocsBittyB3JesKeepSwimmingMs_WhateverVTw1tter_K1tten
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    BittyB3Tw1tter_K1ttenSkullfuckTTheTalkingPipehbreaker9999SchemerScreamer76coopDanOnDrugs
@pbear79

@pbear79
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What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.