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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,898
    • FAVS
    QueenLayla31__PatWallaceBandersnaaatchshanetheveinDonnie_rottenawordforawordgirlntapaewperson
    • 1,002
    • RETWEETS
    QueenLayla31__JennaraterfloorballerryanCountMackulat22cmulosMaxTitus12QwertyJones3
    awordforawordMondayPajamas4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,540
    • FAVS
    Springaling85lgbk44VonAndrewsteingerryhallcomedyQueenLayla31__KMayfield77the_rock_chicTheMiddleClash
    • 1,231
    • RETWEETS
    Springaling85gerryhallcomedyQueenLayla31__Genevieve0404KMayfield77Sassygirl7656QwertyJones3LyleD4D
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,231
    • FAVS
    gi_problemchildoOo_aly_oOogerryhallcomedymccoll_kristaSuperNerdyGeekmo_vitalunastevefrigleyLackOfShame
    • 1,123
    • RETWEETS
    oOo_aly_oOoFFC_UFCLackOfShameQueenLayla31__brianbowman73Genevieve0404OrignalceQueenosigat
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,339
    • FAVS
    gi_problemchildoOo_aly_oOogerryhallcomedyQueenLayla31__greenchimerathe_rock_chicmadicoreyMachiavelli1532
    • 973
    • RETWEETS
    QueenLayla31__floorballerryanmulosTheRealBoyceylilmissaquariusQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rt
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,173
    • FAVS
    QueenLayla31__PatWallaceGenevieve0404QwertyJones3bluetractorrebeccaszzli4mst3w4rtSmurfetteDE
    • 953
    • RETWEETS
    QueenLayla31__Genevieve0404InterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtButteDraggerSamuelHLoweMondayPajamas_14000_things_
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,038
    • FAVS
    LackOfShameQueenLayla31__floorballerryanJSMroczkowskiKittenMcKayQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rt
    • 639
    • RETWEETS
    LackOfShameQueenLayla31__floorballerryanSMOKEDOUTSTOMPSQwertyJones3li4mst3w4rtknownAsDickBetty_Horror
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,072
    • FAVS
    gerryhallcomedymo_vitalunaLackOfShamePatWallaceGenevieve0404MaxTitus12QwertyJones3bluetractor
    • 474
    • RETWEETS
    LackOfShameQwertyJones3InterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtknownAsDickawordforawordMondayPajamasSoulYodeler
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 835
    • FAVS
    TlaxBoy05timothybird186aaronhVonAndrewsteingerryhallcomedygingarailmo_vitalunaSilverBadger
    • 506
    • RETWEETS
    oOo_aly_oOoTlaxBoy05gerryhallcomedySilverBadgerLackOfShameterrycjtTrapperDavekatiedx3
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 805
    • FAVS
    Machiavelli1532ScreamNenaa_rndhouseMaxTitus12AnnalisaMilloQwertyJones3bluetractorli4mst3w4rt
    • 322
    • RETWEETS
    floorballerryanesaa_yuliWayne_Bruce_QwertyJones3li4mst3w4rtTRBLmakerJBSptxcxRicanInBoston
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 697
    • FAVS
    mo_vitalunaLackOfShameGenevieve0404MondayPajamasrebeccaszzInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtMegsDoll
    • 358
    • RETWEETS
    LackOfShameGenevieve0404MondayPajamasInterstellarFUKli4mst3w4rtlovemydogduckParkerlawyeryaylinux
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 706
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceli4mst3w4rtgssparks1TheSkepticusawordforaworda_olivia4212Dawn_M_littledandeli0n
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtTheSkepticusawordforawordNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochLeaninKingTw1tter_K1tten
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 570
    • FAVS
    sunybeechescrunchenhancedGenevieve0404sezgeebakerygurlSandyPanz15104_BiggermzTimTurbo3
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    PatWallaceBunnylennox96bhhgoaskaIexMoonStruckBecca10InchesPlusawordforawordboab15
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 541
    • FAVS
    shaqattack3000TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtghostofphantomdeutschheutesaint1000louisjewellDawn_M_
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtghostofphantomdshack8a_olivia4212stageleftphotoRomaBlackWriterRyansGooch
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 560
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceTrueTorontoGirlli4mst3w4rtParkerlawyera_olivia4212luvmyADHDDawn_M_junkyardigan
    • 199
    • RETWEETS
    li4mst3w4rtRomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4Crocscbme69Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZY
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 518
    • FAVS
    PatWallacefreebirdy31TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rta_olivia4212texasstalkermomBlackCheesePieOH_GAWD_OF_FUNK
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    KhaleddAhmedfreebirdy31TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtMisterMe300a_olivia4212OH_GAWD_OF_FUNKPandaBandera
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 450
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceTRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtawordforawordms_fancypants_SSparklesDailyDawn_M_littledandeli0n
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtawordforaworddshack8Nawyourecrazy4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1tten
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 414
    • FAVS
    oOo_aly_oOoTlaxBoy05TRBLmakerJBSAngelicaBrillaFlowerChild037li4mst3w4rtwhitefireofhellawordforaword
    • 199
    • RETWEETS
    oOo_aly_oOoTlaxBoy05TRBLmakerJBSFlowerChild037li4mst3w4rtwhitefireofhellawordforawordcbme69
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 409
    • FAVS
    TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtawordforawordPrefersSleep_CursedTeaOhwillieheandkelly82dshack8
    • 134
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtcitramdynaawordforaworddshack8kepiesslittledandeli0nRomaBlackWriter
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 376
    • FAVS
    TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtdeep_chopraAmezsterawordforawordParkerlawyerdshack8sam_states
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtawordforawordZerofeverbreatheandloveBittyB3Tw1tter_K1ttenSkullfuckT
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 354
    • FAVS
    PatWallaceTRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtDawn_M_shellybsalonlittledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardigan
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    PatWallaceTRBLmakerJBSli4mst3w4rtlittledandeli0nMr_McGee9__ericboveVictorSWintersNawyourecrazy
@pbear79

@pbear79
Pro

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.