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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,857
    • FAVS
    MondayPajamasdarrrkstarrrMatthew_x64jupiterLILYsarah_leibrandtjefwin46_BlueEyed_DevilHannahSymmonds
    • 983
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasdarrrkstarrrjefwin46darling_lolitaDawn_M_kepiesslittledandeli0nTampaBayMomma
    4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,524
    • FAVS
    SuperNerdyGeekMondayPajamasAuthowriteearth2ethanKatMByrneTARDISxLoveeric144144michowl
    • 1,218
    • RETWEETS
    GdabmeMondayPajamasAuthowritetrashtasticamichowltrollballsrj711luv2cook4myfam
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,312
    • FAVS
    MondayPajamasDawn_M_littledandeli0nkago_timothyrozeysmommona416Allisonmarie567iluvmahcheese
    • 956
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasSallyGreaves3Justagirl2006Allisonmarie567LADaddySoulYodelerkittykittykolaNahHomie
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,178
    • FAVS
    BJPrice1SilverBadgerMondayPajamas1_LAST_MISTAKEHeathenaspargusani4ka4ubigJT1977DaveBurian
    • 1,074
    • RETWEETS
    GdabmeSilverBadgerMondayPajamasHeathenaspargusani4ka4ubigJT1977cantstopdrewKarthikKakarala
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,158
    • FAVS
    MondayPajamaslittledandeli0nDawnLovesZombiejeanmchlChiefTwittlerLordOfLeylandiDoILookb0th3r3dFurloughPiper
    • 949
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamas_14000_things_LordOfLeylandiStephenBCramerSabiha_fShahid_7141hazardao_Dylan__Dylan
    Ilovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,029
    • FAVS
    alexxsoflyMondayPajamasGregoryJoanieMornintippajovan_tehRaffaiSethisingingdoves13luvmyADHD
    • 632
    • RETWEETS
    Betty_HorrorMondayPajamasdumbcheryljovan_tehRaffaiSethinatalie_rbbyvettesmit04FromMarstoNovem
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,058
    • FAVS
    Betty_HorrorMondayPajamasDawn_M_littledandeli0nJustagirl2006Landon8426SoulYodelernathanlyman
    • 468
    • RETWEETS
    MondayPajamasSoulYodeleriifin1bryanne222LisaACOTASigneSaysSoejmichaels1TRBLmakerJBS
    Alyssa_JolieCpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 801
    • FAVS
    raspberrychampnMondayPajamasearth2ethanDawn_M_TheTwinOaksWarWithMyMindmaxfentonVictoriaMia
    • 486
    • RETWEETS
    Betty_HorrorMondayPajamasjennifersaloserearth2ethankisilowskidylanTheTwinOaksWarWithMyMindVictoriaMia
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 797
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nSoulYodelerjunkyardiganTRBLmakerJBSTraceykemp8haistephiep2_pam
    • 317
    • RETWEETS
    TRBLmakerJBSptxcxRicanInBostonBaxDollMr_McGee9chadlehellocoNoPantyClausTbone7219
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 682
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nSoulYodelercharrrllaaTRBLmakerJBShythemafiaRyansGoochUnicornSyrup
    • 348
    • RETWEETS
    breatheandloveTRBLmakerJBSRyansGoochTw1tter_K1ttenDaReal_YungJockbarcelonist_boyiibntwalahUGANDANCRAZY
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 700
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nTampaBayMommajunkyardiganBad_DoggzhythemafiazolofighterNawyourecrazy
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    NawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochLeaninKingTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTSolelyB
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 547
    • FAVS
    littledandeli0nTampaBayMommaGrandxSupremeTorriableTRBLmakerJBSTraceykemp8adele655321ChristineVensan
    • 268
    • RETWEETS
    littledandeli0ntruegemini13TampaBayMommaGrandxSupremebreatheandloveTRBLmakerJBSChristineVensanNoPantyClaus
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 534
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0njunkyardiganTorriablehythemafiaNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassadstageleftphoto
    • 226
    • RETWEETS
    stageleftphotoRomaBlackWriterRyansGoochcbme69ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenbarcelonist_boyUGANDANCRAZY
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 555
    • FAVS
    luvmyADHDDawn_M_junkyardiganhythemafiaNawyourecrazyMartianAmbassadRomaBlackWriterSleazySli
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    RomaBlackWriterRyansGooch4Crocscbme69Ms_WhateverVTw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYpiyalisunshine
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 510
    • FAVS
    brewcitytatgirlYaffaDinaPandaBanderaIzi_GarciaJesusAndSquatsAJ_VanFossenMonicann86Dawn_M_
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    PandaBanderaYasmineLeahIzi_Garciajefwin46AJ_VanFossenDawn_M_BrazierTreatsTbone7219
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 444
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganbutchthowBad_DoggzhythemafiaDreamsOfControl
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    Nawyourecrazy4Crocscbme69Tw1tter_K1ttenUGANDANCRAZYLMHPhotogSkullfuckTEightinchgoat
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 405
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganhythemafiaRyansGooch4CrocsInsulinAddict12
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    cbme69Josephmisiur__ididntsaypleaseTw1tter_K1ttenShiroWaruinge_UGANDANCRAZYSkullfuckTfoxybox
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_littledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganhythemafiaconcretesledge_RomaBlackWriterRyansGooch
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    kepiesslittledandeli0nRomaBlackWriterAmesTor1cbme69JesKeepSwimmingiamKarenju_TTheDapperDon
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 351
    • FAVS
    Dawn_M_shellybsalonlittledandeli0nbreatheandlovejunkyardiganincognitocrayvipinkmr777Mr_McGee9
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    littledandeli0nMr_McGee9ericboveVictorSWintersNawyourecrazyRomaBlackWriterJosephmisiur__Tw1tter_K1tten
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 368
    • FAVS
    littledandeli0nZerofeverbreatheandlovejunkyardiganhythemafiaRyansGooch4CrocsBittyB3
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    ZerofeverbreatheandloveBittyB3Tw1tter_K1ttenSkullfuckTTheTalkingPipehbreaker9999SchemerScreamer
@pbear79

@pbear79
Pro

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.