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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,714
    • FAVS
    LikeChickenPieDoctor_FruitbatLizstokedStokesfloskiiMedi0cre_AtBestsarah_etceterarachelhappyfaceaxolotl74
    • 1,509
    • RETWEETS
    Doctor_FruitbatJen_BurKimVarascorneliagracchiManSpyderJonatBASSElizMGoodwinTricksterPrince
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 2,079
    • FAVS
    motorcity42paulablu22PuercotrongufawwSupahJewsquirrel74wkgnBrdnHatesYouYo_Yo_Robo
    • 1,107
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22Trevorplummerthetoddvsquirrel74wkgnTrailerMagazineIamJoshHollandBrdnHatesYouwyoung8921
    awordforawordMondayPajamas4CrocsFuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbaysameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,700
    • FAVS
    paulablu22bradley1aZombie_Kitv2LMHPhotogbuhsbaby_babylittlenightowlNotAPunkRockervolks__
    • 1,350
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22RakshBrownZombie_Kitv2buhsbaby_babyPerHelgeWick_ItumelengMInnocensiavolks__
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,532
    • FAVS
    paulablu22bradley1aXLCadillacZombie_Kitv2buhsbaby_babylittlenightowlchesupremoChristy76Terry
    • 1,096
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22dietrichhansonMeteorCurbuhsbaby_babyQuirkyFuzzballchesupremogiantdbagChristy76Terry
    abrosenthalTheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ__robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,301
    • FAVS
    calluptomepaulablu22edana_irishhabskickassmissskye81n0tblondeolerunkbitchimhhk
    • 1,009
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22heatherlou_KimberleymakadoMossyOakJuliet_LostCowgirl17emmaoh22DanielleKanousHorsesAreBetter
    jkstillsIlovelamp1979SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 1,115
    • FAVS
    DelaneyMulcahycalluptomepaulablu22allisonsmithmar__katzenmozzerdeutschheutejctsmileyonemattZillaaaa
    • 679
    • RETWEETS
    MandyBear04paulablu22allisonsmithmar__jctsmileyoneTeeJayRushlucidchemistryHarmonyRamblesms_willow
    HarmonyRamblesiamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,135
    • FAVS
    paulablu22smokeymccheefoheatherlou_jctsmileyoneNone4MeThanxgirlontapasMilyMcSheppyAFineWino
    • 505
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22heatherlou_jctsmileyoneNone4MeThanxgirlontapasTiffanyhope222mattZillaaaaTeeJayRush
    Alyssa_Jolie__Cpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 946
    • FAVS
    Samaad_AhmedDrAlleconpaulablu22n0tblondeKinkyAlchemyMiddleageMheatherlou_SunandSipCups
    • 570
    • RETWEETS
    Samaad_Ahmedpaulablu22RandomFlumpheatherlou_SunandSipCupsLeahJMLoverOfComics94One2thTEXAN
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 853
    • FAVS
    Samaad_Ahmedpaulablu22CwmDumpsterheatherlou_AllDependsricherdpicturesjiffypops97LoverOfComics94
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    Samaad_Ahmedpaulablu22heatherlou_DictionaryVoicebirdiepls1jiffypops97LoverOfComics94jctsmileyone
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 741
    • FAVS
    Samaad_Ahmedpaulablu22MiddleageMheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejustwanttobeme3tddybearsuicide
    • 383
    • RETWEETS
    Smooheedpaulablu22heatherlou_jctsmileyoneravi_sinhaajkstillsTeeJayRushlucidchemistry
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 755
    • FAVS
    Samaad_AhmeddjdcarewSmooheedpaulablu22CwmDumpsterheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone
    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    djdcarewpaulablu22heatherlou_trainwreck1000gm_cage96bhhtencatmansionTwiterrNazi
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 631
    • FAVS
    Samaad_Ahmeddjdcarewpaulablu22ma5quLOVE_russelheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    Samaad_Ahmeddjdcarewpaulablu22LOVE_russelheatherlou_jctsmileyoneNoKraziness9bone_sharon
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 581
    • FAVS
    Samaad_Ahmedpaulablu22larrisabriansheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyonejkstillscrownandrocks
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    paulablu22iSunofaBeachlarrisabriansheatherlou_jctsmileyoneImJESSPlayinSamuraiBatgirlPck14Romy
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 564
    • FAVS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyonejkstillsjenixxiJimiTechmanImJESSPlayin1_swarthy_dudedukster57
    • 253
    • RETWEETS
    heatherlou_jctsmileyoneHannahWinchellImJESSPlayingm_cage96bhhTwiterrNazicydnizoi
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    deviledlegsMrAssholeToYou__heatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudeMomReluctantRawanFakhoury1
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    davidsthfcheatherlou_jctsmileyoneRawanFakhoury1gm_cage96bhhBadaBingecambuslad
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 502
    • FAVS
    MrAssholeToYou__BackpackerBooieheatherlou_0MGitsJ3SSdavehoseyunFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneimgettinghealth
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    MrAssholeToYou__heatherlou_CanadianMclovinLerkyms_willowgm_cageRhinoURShaunRightNow
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 460
    • FAVS
    CwmDumpster_masala_chaiBackpackerBooieheatherlou_unFinishdObjectjctsmileyoneSENSummit2013crownandrocks
    • 226
    • RETWEETS
    _masala_chaiheatherlou_jctsmileyonecrownandrocksImJESSPlayinanthracitedubWheresRobPress__FrizerkaSandra
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 429
    • FAVS
    jctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudetoxicnancyyRawanFakhoury1gm_cageainnecdotespantsfacedonume_
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudegm_cagebavinnyShaunRightNowcornellmalcolm96bhh
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    nickyboyWTFunFinishdObjectAJslackiedeutschheutejctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudegm_cageSaltFund
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    AJslackiejctsmileyonemllebeckyroseShaunRightNowkspinks4485seeisosimmy96bhhAmaniderella
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 380
    • FAVS
    unFinishdObjectjctsmileyone1_swarthy_dudeblgriebbrain_omendrugsandbonersTEAM_BANEgm_cage
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    jctsmileyonedukster57brain_omenTEAM_BANEgm_cagekspinks448596bhhnovicefather
@pbear79

@pbear79

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.

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