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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,715
    • FAVS
    thetexashoneyFIGHT2012GOPrachhhaaelmorecowbell101dogpile1and2girlwithpumaKrantzy_PantzRayInCincinnati
    • 896
    • RETWEETS
    thetexashoneymorecowbell101JJ94JJdogpile1and2Chaotic_Vixensapkotaamit1RayInCincinnatiJay_FrickinLynn
    FuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbay______sameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,383
    • FAVS
    Nurse_Lindseymorecowbell101TheCapedTiraderNurseSeymourPieknaChaosJay_FrickinLynnShanerzzz14boding
    • 1,106
    • RETWEETS
    morecowbell101ktoyeas23NurseSeymourJay_FrickinLynnbryanmcc74canibudfadel_tabbaaJaniceLRead
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,218
    • FAVS
    thetexashoney_flightofideasNarcissusMaxmusdadvsthekidsNurse_Lindseymorecowbell101NurseSeymourMrBinPrague
    • 879
    • RETWEETS
    amishoodthetexashoneymorecowbell101NurseSeymourSouthrnPinUpMomJay_FrickinLynnbryanmcc74JaniceLRead
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ______robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,048
    • FAVS
    nastyn878darthrednekNurseSeymourlouisjewellKrantzy_PantzSouthrnPinUpMomKennyc2653Jay_FrickinLynn
    • 973
    • RETWEETS
    NurseSeymourDonkk27EnormousgenitalJay_FrickinLynnquiziep8jazz101pollyannakanebryanmcc74GrumpyBahr
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,070
    • FAVS
    valzhoganNatashaNat24NarcissusMaxmusjessicak5411SouthrnPinUpMomJay_FrickinLynnestee3213mud81
    • 897
    • RETWEETS
    NatashaNat24RavengambitxPaulyWilton2009meltezzzJJ94JJSouthrnPinUpMomJay_FrickinLynnGrumpyBahr
    Ilovelamp1979__SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,011
    • FAVS
    ITalkToHorsiesmorecowbell101JJ94JJKKennedaJay_FrickinLynnSchemerScreamerHippiechronicFrizerkaSandra
    • 445
    • RETWEETS
    morecowbell101KKennedaKrantzy_PantzJay_FrickinLynnTheBraemSchemerScreamerutmost_failureqwertying
    Alyssa_JolieCpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 890
    • FAVS
    BridgetMamacitathedassieCtchandler247kspinks4485Obiwan_JacobiConnor_Boegermorecowbell101twopeckers
    • 544
    • RETWEETS
    Left_you_OutLetmebethepearlCtchandler247kspinks4485Connor_Boegermorecowbell101JJ94JJPieknaChaos
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 679
    • FAVS
    MaryGoodiesingingdoves13NurseSeymourBusterGrabbJay_FrickinLynnGrumpyBahrPoh_tay_toetoussy95
    • 402
    • RETWEETS
    KassieYaBishNurseSeymourBusterGrabbJay_FrickinLynncanibudGrumpyBahrtaghreedmhassanGehadKIbrahim
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 758
    • FAVS
    disc0danpaul_dozermissny53ImABaconDonutPieknaChaosJay_FrickinLynnShanerzzz1GinAndJif
    • 297
    • RETWEETS
    mariaa_lynnJJ94JJNathanielHamelImABaconDonutJay_FrickinLynnquiziep8jazz101KateDumbrellGrumpyBahr
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 658
    • FAVS
    deardilettanteiMkEe_emDRooLjulezpoohheylolitahey_xopaul_dozerDeshecksterYslooberbieJay_FrickinLynn
    • 334
    • RETWEETS
    dom_justintimedeardilettanteiMkEe_emDRooLjulezpoohAnUnknownJesterTwiterHerorankingTweetsJay_FrickinLynn
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 663
    • FAVS
    FIGHT2012GOPmorecowbell101paul_dozerJay_FrickinLynnODeadInsideSammyJB121bonniecmpbllNobleSammynoble
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    morecowbell101Jay_FrickinLynn1CleverGirl1SaneMonkeyManLuvPugfavstar_historyKiNGKuSH41cdwyer709
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 509
    • FAVS
    notoriouspg13NoHoesVichdh04eldoradoxxNicholixxGot_floRoxanneWildeAnitaHelmetelorenzmedia
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    Loski1976notoriouspg13hdh04eldoradomumbaimaxKDotDeSilvaRoxanneWildeAnitaHelmetdma0064
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 505
    • FAVS
    EyeSeeYou619Authowritepaul_dozerbulldoza86Jay_FrickinLynnestee3213JohnBechardGrumpyBahr
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    paul_dozerbulldoza86Jay_FrickinLynnMr_LawwyerJohnBechardGrumpyBahrKellieLouise8Jjkinky49Jeff
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 524
    • FAVS
    quiziep8jazz101bear_dawgestee3213HitGirl516HarmchairJohnBechardGrumpyBahrDebraMuffin
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    quiziep8jazz101georgi_phillipsJohnBechardGrumpyBahrSamuelHLowedavery76yoopnativejuneohara65
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 476
    • FAVS
    GrumpyBahrCrazyForMoxleyhbreaker9999SamDeLancheGodBlessAchoowhos_maddadyafsmith92Its_Baldylockz
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    hbreaker9999Its_BaldylockzidigcrazychicsTheGrimKingpan_opt_iconMarcSeguin2Emperor_Dot66____bitchkrieg________
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    mud81jay2thamaxhbreaker9999KellieLouise8SamDeLancheIts_Baldylockzbossy_bootzonume_
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    GrumpyBahrIts_Baldylockzonume_idigcrazychicsKristipoo86knot_eyeglitzritzJulesC70
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 383
    • FAVS
    silver15jetsNurseSeymourestee3213GrumpyBahrgreen_eyed_dollhbreaker9999SchemerScreamerKellieLouise8
    • 183
    • RETWEETS
    NurseSeymourquiziep8jazz101sassyasssweetiegabblingwordsGrumpyBahrSchemerScreamerIts_BaldylockzSmooheed
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 377
    • FAVS
    GrumpyBahrhbreaker9999hoagieknowsbestHumor_FetishJarodNotJaredSamDeLancheDanOnDrugsnakedlaughing__
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    SamDeLanchenakedlaughing__drewpetrounizaam325LetGoBeFreeDoUgtfiskTheIronSherkTheGrimKing
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 350
    • FAVS
    GrumpyBahrgreen_eyed_dollhbreaker9999PlanetHollaSchemerScreamerstarwarsshirtlifeisaMAYESing76coop
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    hbreaker9999SchemerScreamer76coopDanOnDrugsnakedlaughing__iamporgyLetGoBeFreeDoUBiitchpiitch
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 323
    • FAVS
    texasstalkermomgobrownnCampDreadpottersclay94sassyasssweetieshawnspreecdwyer709GrumpyBahr
    • 151
    • RETWEETS
    PinchySnipershawnspreecdwyer709fadel_tabbaaGrumpyBahrhbreaker9999MyOwnWayToRockPenguinCrystal
@pbear79

@pbear79
Pro

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.