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  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Nothing like being awoken suddenly by a blowjob...



    I gotta start sleeping with my mouth closed.

    • 1,737
    • FAVS
    DadAfterDarkamberdextrouslyThat_gamer_geekthulnicolledad_divorcedMind_fukkbroturkey19Bob61
    • 909
    • RETWEETS
    DadAfterDarkamberdextrouslycanucksfan69erthulnicolledad_divorced19Bob61Eightinchgoatkatspaks
    FuzzzyNutsFrankCurtisBTheBeerGuy73sanbay______sameralkhouryavaricious1ZombieionismosigatShaunRightNowCaptainObtuseHardWorkDayJustinFurano
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans."


    All I hear is "there's a bear out their that knows how to use matches."

    • 1,418
    • FAVS
    SuheiryFeliMomopolizewissa64BaritteRoselocktonyupawnuhCearaProutARClemmons
    • 1,126
    • RETWEETS
    SuheiryFeliMomopolizegrumpyyetiMLE_612ThisDamnYankeeCearaProutARClemmonsKarenjwm
    androszrpizzajaynowXGroverXSexyInsomniac
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said...


    "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."

    • 1,228
    • FAVS
    theskel17moutzie89lizzurdB1gBrainsMcGeeJordanLuhrsEightinchgoatRachelZamstein1daniel_shaw
    • 881
    • RETWEETS
    EightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeamishoodthetexashoneymorecowbell101NurseSeymourSouthrnPinUpMomJay_FrickinLynn
    TheBeerGuy73eliserose5_wangweAristotlesNZ______robocreep
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    The Beach Boys walk into a bar:

    “Round?”
    “Round?”
    “Get a round”
    “I get a round?”
    “Get a round….”

    • 1,057
    • FAVS
    Swhit197Mind_fukkjagermannjensenEightinchgoatAnitaHelmetRachelZamstein1daniel_shawTheTalkingPipe
    • 977
    • RETWEETS
    locktonyupr_plutaEightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeNurseSeymourDonkk27EnormousgenitalJay_FrickinLynn
    RidiculousSheri
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    NO ONE on Twitter is better than anyone else.

    We’re all just fucking idiots.

    Staring at our fucking phones.

    Wasting out fucking lives.

    • 1,082
    • FAVS
    Mind_fukkhey_itsonlyfoodEightinchgoatCrazyForMoxleyamberschryerLivewire3791aubreysundskahra360
    • 905
    • RETWEETS
    FitnessDynamicsEightinchgoatmillaemilyyaubreysundTheTweetParrotTheTalkingPipeNatashaNat24Ravengambitx
    Ilovelamp1979__SmooheedThe_Dorkster______
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you enjoy my comedy on Twitter, you should check my other roles. Like underpaid retail worker, inadequate sexual partner and douchebag.

    • 1,017
    • FAVS
    lizzurdtheskel17hey_itsonlyfoodEightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_ITalkToHorsiesmorecowbell101
    • 446
    • RETWEETS
    Eightinchgoatmorecowbell101KKennedaKrantzy_PantzJay_FrickinLynnTheBraemSchemerScreamerutmost_failure
    Alyssa_JolieCpt_Burnoutnerfspur
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Well aren't you a fucking waste of two billion years of evolution.

    • 901
    • FAVS
    SprinklemepunkRachelZamstein1lunchbox_23styphnequephilly_thefoolGirl_Censoredthegudeskathymvaccaro
    • 551
    • RETWEETS
    Rawaninostyphnequephilly_thefoolGracePenceGirl_CensoredthegudesEightinchgoatLeft_U_Out2Dri
    iamfasePawnYourLifeVodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.

    • 687
    • FAVS
    ReticentTurnipMind_fukkLDRenelizzurd78hheatherEightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_
    • 406
    • RETWEETS
    truegemini13Mind_fukkPopuptoastEightinchgoatKassieYaBishNurseSeymourBusterGrabbJay_FrickinLynn
    Voiceofgarth
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I love the way Australians pronounce vagina.




    "Vajoina"

    • 763
    • FAVS
    Mind_fukkptoothfishEightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_disc0danpaul_dozermissny53
    • 298
    • RETWEETS
    Eightinchgoatmariaa_lynnJJ94JJNathanielHamelImABaconDonutJay_FrickinLynnquiziep8jazz101KateDumbrell
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I should really get off Twitter and get out into the world. The problem is, i'm not really a huge fan of people, places or things.

    • 662
    • FAVS
    DaHomieKzahraa__kEightinchgoatOutOfLeftField_deardilettanteiMkEe_emDRooLjulezpoohheylolitahey_xo
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    DavidWaddleEightinchgoatdom_justintimedeardilettanteiMkEe_emDRooLjulezpoohAnUnknownJesterTwiterHero
    SamuelHLowemissamandailgrandechuck10InchesPlusmumblesmusings
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Buy followers?


    I'd rather just buy a huge bag of weed and forget about Twitter completely.

    • 674
    • FAVS
    alain_hardyJenestyleCharlieRand9Jersey_GeordieMind_fukkdirectorrectorRadioSweetieEightinchgoat
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    Jersey_GeordiePopuptoastEightinchgoatTheTalkingPipemorecowbell101Jay_FrickinLynn1CleverGirl1SaneMonkeyMan
    GimpySunshine____titsNtatertotsBaddBryant________
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    If you feel like nobody cares that you're alive...


    Try missing a couple of payments.

    • 512
    • FAVS
    EightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_notoriouspg13NoHoesVichdh04eldoradoxxNicholixxGot_flo
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    gEdgar27TheTalkingPipeLoski1976notoriouspg13hdh04eldoradomumbaimaxKDotDeSilvaRoxanneWilde
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    Go on FB to see what people ate for dinner.




    Go on twitter to see how the shit went.

    • 512
    • FAVS
    lindaf1529darda_berryMind_fukkthorjeremy501JohnnaMitichEightinchgoatOutOfLeftField_EyeSeeYou619
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    Eightinchgoatpaul_dozerbulldoza86Jay_FrickinLynnMr_LawwyerJohnBechardGrumpyBahrKellieLouise8
    leo_bgw
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I'm following people with under 200 followers who are fantastic. Don't let someone's follower's mislead you. Let their tweets be your guide.

    • 530
    • FAVS
    amberdextrouslyLet7it7beMind_fukklizzurdEightinchgoatOutOfLeftField_quiziep8jazz101bear_dawg
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    Eightinchgoatquiziep8jazz101georgi_phillipsJohnBechardGrumpyBahrSamuelHLowedavery76yoopnative
    JackieluvsUK
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I was so fucking hammered last night, I got hit by a parked car.

    • 482
    • FAVS
    lindaf1529maymer75mercurialmaidSunOfNoneEightinchgoatOutOfLeftField_GrumpyBahrCrazyForMoxley
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    therealADgeniusSunOfNoneEightinchgoathbreaker9999Its_BaldylockzidigcrazychicsTheGrimKingpan_opt_icon
    VodkaDietSoda
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    I have so many different fucking drug habits, I had to write them all down in a book. I call it....



    Addictionary.

    • 423
    • FAVS
    lindaf1529Mind_fukkDarthXavierEightinchgoatOutOfLeftField_mud81jay2thamaxhbreaker9999
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    EightinchgoatGrumpyBahrIts_Baldylockzonume_idigcrazychicsKristipoo86knot_eyeglitzritz
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    We have enough fucking youth...



    how about a fountain of smart?

    • 387
    • FAVS
    hollywood_95_69EightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_silver15jetsNurseSeymourestee3213GrumpyBahr
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    foxyboxEightinchgoatNurseSeymourquiziep8jazz101sassyasssweetiegabblingwordsGrumpyBahrSchemerScreamer
    DrinkingatWork
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    A friend of mine lost his left leg and his left arm in a car crash.




    He's all right now.

    • 381
    • FAVS
    lindaf1529EightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_GrumpyBahrhbreaker9999hoagieknowsbestHumor_Fetish
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    DiamondLou69EightinchgoatSamDeLanchenakedlaughing__drewpetrounizaam325LetGoBeFreeDoUgtfisk
    BoomBamBunny
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    That awkward moment at Prince Williams bachelor party when he stuffs $$ in a strippers thong with a picture of his grandmothers face on it.

    • 355
    • FAVS
    EightinchgoatheaveninabowlUntouchableSheTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_GrumpyBahrgreen_eyed_dollhbreaker9999
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    TheTalkingPipehbreaker9999SchemerScreamer76coopDanOnDrugsnakedlaughing__iamporgyLetGoBeFreeDoU
  • pbear79
      PoohBear™ @pbear79

    “Typical morning in Canada, Canadians walk out of their igloo, hop on the back of their polar bear and spear a beaver to death.”
    -Americans-

    • 330
    • FAVS
    JenestyleLINZH0Eshannon2703Fyrekrakr73EightinchgoatTheTalkingPipeOutOfLeftField_texasstalkermom
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    Fyrekrakr73EightinchgoatPinchySnipershawnspreecdwyer709fadel_tabbaaGrumpyBahrhbreaker9999
@pbear79

@pbear79
Pro

What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.