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I can think about you as much as I want. You literally can't stop me.
That is just fantastic. https://twitter.com/pbear79/status/347815896686931971 …
I'm such a lil' cunt tease.
I'm the Candy Corn of people. No one really likes me, and they will always pick something else if it's readily available.
You're to dumb to subtweet.
50 Shades of Grey is to kink, what hipsters are to lumberjacks.
Too many dicks spoil the soup. Unless it's dick soup. Then you need the dicks.
So that's it?? The gino ceremony didn't really live up to the hype, & the crowd at Rogers arena did not give him the cheer he deserved
Dear people in the hotel hallway. Shut the fuck up.
Impatiently waiting to see what husband killed his wife on tonight's 48hrs.
Cum or get off.
The cashiers at Arby's either don't get my meat curtain jokes or have absolutely no sense of humor.
I'm no slam poet but I can be pretentious and uninteresting in iambic pentameter on Friday nights, too.
Join your kik group? Nah. I just want to tweet and RT without having to feign interest in motherfuckers.
I'd perform better at work if my coworkers were ice cream sandwiches.
*fearlessly steps in the shower without first testing water temperature
Can you use no-stick cooking spray
as a lubricant, in someone's anus?
-i'm asking for my dad
Wake me up when the fist bumping fad is over and we can shake hands like normal adults again.
You know those people who make video selfies with no talking just awkward faces & weird eye contact? Let's petition to have them sterilized.
What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.
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