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The chivalry bar is so low these days that holding the door open for an elderly couple at IHOP is equally impressive to slaying a dragon.
Well wasn't this a lovely fucked up day.
If you DM me thanking me for the follow, chances are imma unfollow you immediately. K? Good talk.
You laugh = Like
You smile = Lust
Pissed off, crazy annoyed want to smack me & fuck me all at once = Love
Wait! That's love right?
This fat barista really has no reason to be rude with me. All I said is "maybe you should try ordering a skinny anything once in awhile."
All my love poems are about alcohol.
*gets one cubic zirconia earring stud*
Date you? I don't even clean the shit stains in my toilet bowl before you come over bitch.
*spends less than five minutes in Home Depot*
*wins Excellent Husband award*
I'm sorry. This apology goes out to anyone who didn't get the empty apology they deserved.
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
What? Are you serious?! That's awesome! Good chat.