Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Whats with guys on tv taking their shirts off so much lately? Whos telling these execs that girls have a moob fetish? Cuz I certainly do not
I just let the cocktail waitress bring whatever. I trust Brandy's judgement. And shit, I like surprises.
"I pay my telephone MES,
I pay my automo MES"
~Bill Murray singing Destiny's Child
As soon as the words "low fat" come out of someone's mouth, I know that I have to kill them with fire.
Great now can you make that duckface with both eyes looking this way...?
let me be the pockets in your trapper keeper...
Jeff Foxworthy for President.
Because who wants a president smarter than a 5th grader?
Good thing you brought that fancy camera to little league so you're not limited to the 8 megapixel camera with filters in your phone.
If you were a book... I would light you on fire, at least then you'd keep me warm.
Going to drink with your boss at 4 PM on a Friday should happen every week!! Cheers to the weekend!
Stoners, boners, loners...... 3 things Twitter is good for
I need to pee
I prefer the rougher criminals. The smooth ones are too slippery to control.
If your receptionist is a bitch on the phone your whole company looks bad.
Sometimes I question my sanity. And sometimes it gets annoyed and tells me to stop asking so many goddamned questions.
I often wonder if my pen pal from 1986 is still waiting for me to write back
I've decided I'm going to be a fucknut today.
Puppy Fun Club!!!
To the untrained eye, I’m not a dick…