Actually, officer, I prefer to think that Hennessey smells like me.

I changed my fb name to NotOneSinglePerson,,I'm gonna like all status w/ no comments as of now. Not one single person likes this #winning

I worry about zombies than I'm reminded ninjas killed off all the unicorns and leprechauns so I really have nothing to fear except midgets

If 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people', does that mean toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast?

So the last air bender can bend all 4 elements? why this nigga called the last air bender and not the last everything bender,man fuck tv

I hate when I have a deja vu that doesnt involve me having sex with 5 girls.

Hey do I feel high to you?! I can't tell

The only thing better than a tuna fish sandwich is, kicking my ex down three flights of stairs than hitting her with a pie full of nails

Chris brown a real nigga.. He beat up bitches & still be with them after the charges & he gay bashing faggots,he don't care about his career

I tweet shit for me, fuck what you like.

If someone was going commit suicide by jumping off a building I'd yell "Do A FLIP!!"

Got pulled over today the cop said "papers?" I said "scissors" .... I win. peace out

Dear bitches... Every guy out there wants to fuck you , stop trying to be friends, it's all or nothing, sincerely yours,, Reality nigga

Fuck Wendy's and their non breakfast having ways

Don't be telling people I'm crazy I'll stab you for that shit.

If my gf giving her number out to random niggas then ima be giving dick to mouf resuscitation to all her family and friends

Black twitter celebrate April fools day way more than Father's Day

RT if a cop ever hit you with a nigga beater

I just woke up to the love of my life..... A fat ass blunt

Mitt said go borrow money from your moms for college... My mom said go sell drugs