Time travel does exist. It's called music.

I'm old enough to remember being the tv remote.

When I Star one of your Tweets that's code for saying I'll drink to that.

It's a shame that compassion isn't contagious.

Take a chance.

Come out of your shell.

Escape from your maximum insecurity prison.

I followed you because of your tweets. I stayed for the person who wrote them.

Wasn't paying attention and backed over a fucking smart car today. Got out and kicked it under someone else's car before I took off.

Twitter would be a lot better if it had a fucking bartender.

Your ignorance is fucking up my bliss.

If you're stupid and you know it...I'm impressed.

I'm at my quickest when I try to follow someone out of the bathroom so I don't have to touch the handle.

Just because I'm smiling doesn't necessarily mean that I like you. I might be picturing you on fire.

I use Fuck a lot. It's not my fault that it goes good with everything.

Inspirational tweet for the day: Don't be a dumbfuck.

I'm eating the first fucking Zombie I see.

That way the rest of them will know that I'm not one to be fucked with.

People with closed minds should keep their mouths closed too.

To be successful on twitter don't ever forget that at one time you had no followers. Other people supported you and you should do the same.

I just heard that you get 14 years of bad luck if you take a picture of yourself in a bathroom mirror.

Spread the word.

That person you judge based on their race, sexual orientation, weight, or general appearance might save your life some day.

I don't think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.