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My foreplay can best be described as "Velma searching for her glasses"
I just found a porn magazine under my son's mattress & now I'm concerned that he's too stupid to use the internet.
Everything I know about sex I learned on Cinemax which is why I tried to scissor my first three girlfriends
Is it okay to have sex with your cousin? Asking for my cousin.
Girl those jeans qualify for unemployment 'cause they are not working
Anybody know a good exterminator? I dropped my milkshake while getting out of my car and now my yard is covered in boys.
In Medieval days the weaponsmith made swords, the armorsmith made suits of armor and the arrowsmith made love in an elevator.
My marriages were a lot like the Star Wars films: the first three sucked, the next three were great & somewhere in there I kissed my sister.
When some kid kills me on Call of Duty I take solace in the fact that they've probably never touched a boob & I almost did once.
I used to be much more handsome before I fractured my cheekbones trying to drink a really thick milkshake.
Due to my poor ejaculate distance I have been nicknamed the hot glue gun.
The easiest way to remember the colors of the rainbow is to remember ROYGBIVDEVOE
Any bank can be a sperm bank if you can jerk off discreetly enough.
My job as women’s prison warden isn’t nearly as awesome as Cinemax lead me to believe it'd be.
In the 1800s women were sometimes forced to wear an "A" on their clothing, signifying that they were Alvin from the Chipmunks.
Much like eating a York Peppermint Patty takes you to a snowy mountain top, eating a Goo Goo Cluster magically takes you to Cracker Barrel.
My mom says my sister's so pretty she'll have to beat boys off with a stick, which makes me wonder what kind of weird handjobs my mom gives.
I show girls that I’m a good kisser by pouring a box of Legos in my mouth then spitting out a car.
I was going to write a suicide note but then I realized this $37 Taco Bell receipt explains everything.
In the $5 clearance bin of internet comedy.