Escape to Which Mountain?

Anybody who uses the phrase "base tan" has no real problems.

I'm so glad girls haven't figured out the power they wield just by greeting me with "Hey you."

My new band is called The Gist. We play, like, 30 seconds of each song.

WE DID IT GUYS. OUR SNARK KILLED MADONNA. #Superbowl

New company I'm starting: Boyfriend Couches for makeup and clothing stores. Built-in phone chargers and NBA Jam. Now accepting orders.

Obama's in big trouble. Romney just clinched the ever-important "let's wait and see what Meatloaf thinks" vote.

"Hey Yoda, there actually is try." -Everybody else

"If I'm president, America will be strong. Really strong. Like Lenny-from-Mice-and-Men, accidentally-murder-somebody strong." -Mitt #debate

My new band is called The Gist. We play, like, 30 seconds of each song.

Anybody who uses the phrase "base tan" has no real problems.

"My cat is my boyfriend!" - girls on Twitter who are hilarious

"No, yeah, totally." - an actual sentence in 2012

I love how Trump's "I've got an Obama bombshell story" was actually "Mr. Obama, would you send me a bombshell story please? I'll pay you."

If Romney cuts Sesame Street and Planned Parenthood, what will all the unwanted kids watch on TV? #debate

@omgfacts This just in: water is wet!

Dear all guys in all porn, shhhhhh.

Just had sex with a 29 year old baby

My new web startup is called eeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Saved a ton of money using all the e's that other sites don't use.

I bet the son on Homeland gets excited when the dentist lets him pick out a free toothbrush.