There's parts of Kindergarten Cop I find unrealistic.

Mrs.T still has no idea who stole her jewelry.

Is it just me, or are there other words I can use to refer to myself?

Can anyone recommend a good quality cat saddle?

There's no easy way to explain MC Hammer to a baby.

The Pope must be annoyed that God favoured Batman when it came to handing out mobiles.

Offering me coffee then serving Nescafe is like asking if I want to hear some music then vomiting in my ears.

I'd like horses more if they could time travel.

Snakes never give away free apples anymore.

Won a time machine on Ebay. Disappointed when I received a clock.

Ghosts. They love Demi Moore. They hate Pacman.

I truly believe there's a moustache out there for everyone.

Hey, let's all gather together as one and knit a poncho for planet Earth.

I wish they'd invent a meat version of tofu.

Today is going straight to DVD.

I would seriously consider worshipping a hammerhead version of Jesus.

Ever had that experience where you're thinking of someone then, at that very moment, you answer the phone and it's not a phone, it's a shoe?

Last night I dreamt I was eating an enormous marshmallow. When I woke up I'd crashed into a tree.

I need to put this funky hot medina in the fridge for a while.

Some days I just want to strap on some stilts and high five baby Jesus.