Hey, this minivan has the kids' names on the back window instead of those dumb stick figures. William and Mary, your mom is cool.

Your flip phone is showing.

I unfollowed you. In my blue car...

Thank you for the trophy @bbseaside! Much appreciated. Everyone follow:  http://favstar.fm/users/bbseaside/recent …

I always take a number at the deli, and I've been keeping them. Eventually I'll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.

Follower 1: All the best people are leaving.
Follower 2: So sad.
Me: [jumps, waves, points to self]
Follower 1: So sad...

Cool! A trophy from one of the good people, @just_kara_! Thank you! Excellent tweets right here:  http://favstar.fm/users/Just_Kara_/recent …

You're never too old to have soup and peanut butter crackers for lunch. (Are you? Please say no.)

I'm fine with inspirational tweets here. "Twitter sucks" tweets? Take THOSE to Facebook.

Thank you for the trophy @hmmwalsh! Excellent tweets here:  http://favstar.fm/users/hmmwalsh 

I'd dance like no one's watching. But what if someone is?! [cue dramatic music]

I just yelled "STOP BADGERING ME!"at the GPS lady, so maybe I should ease up on the coffee a little.

I bet the closest Kenny Loggins has ever been to a "danger zone" is when they were fixing a manhole in front of his house.

I was led to believe you'd stop talking eventually.

Morality used to be a friend of mine.

Somehow I'm not seeing this "hate" that everyone's been talking about. Maybe I follow the wrong people. I mean, the right people.

Too many hateful people on Twitter? So what? There are too many Kardashians too. Block them, ignore them, and follow the good people.

I like you better since I turned off your retweets.

There's always money in the banana stand*.

*space between the washer and dryer

It's kind of cool when a tweet gets to 50 stars without any retweets. It's like 100 runs batted in with no home runs.