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There is a template for "Apology for Getting Caught Using Performance Enhancing Drugs" in the new Microsoft Word. #bartolocolon
Being an NBA Owner watching the US Olympic Team must be like being a two year old watching another kid break his toys. #times50million
They say it is always darkest before the dawn. In my experience, though...it's more like 3am. #orinmysoulwhenever
Taylor Swift says that Tina Fey & Amy Poehler joking about her love life at the Golden Globes was "sexist." #Inconceivable #Vizzini
The worst time to see that sad "Cleft Palate" tv ad is just as you accidentally bite a tortilla chip vertically. #owww and #ohhh
@pgreyy ...and they just fixed it. Well, it was a fun five minutes. Thanks @bbcamerica
I think Lena Dunham is cute, smart, funny, and desirable ..and I guess my opinions on her would matter more if I was more attractive.
Caught in the grip of "Flowers For Algernon"-esque panic and existential horror. But you can call it February, if it suits you.
"Not to take anything away from N Illinois, but another team should have their BCS bowl bid."--Jesse Palmer, ESPN #takethatawayfromthem
Republican strategists! People claiming to be patriotic want to secede from the nation over a fairly elected president. #Youbuiltthat
1-Nate Abshire & Michael Malone, 2-Elliot Maxx, 3-Ricarlo Flanagan, Justin Leon, Jeremy Whitman, 4-Brian Boshes, 5-Nigel Larson #sicc33
The straw that broke the camel's back was that Nintendo Power was about to offer an AARP subscription discount.
New Penn State head coach Bill O'Brien said "When the season starts, you're going to see us reaching out to children." #NotAgain
Miller Lite's new Punch-Top Can. "What we're telling you is that our design doesn't work, so you fix it." #truthfuladslogans
Man bitten while swimming off Cape Cod beach. Officials keep beach open while determining if it actually was a shark or not. #movieplot
"Unfunny rape jokes are unfunny. Don't heckle—just leave. Tosh needs to work on his comebacks. Funny cat videos are funny."-@theavclub #qft
Dispenser of needless trivial information and maker of people 's merriment.
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