I buy my own drinks so i won't have to fuck ugly boys.

A guy sent a message and said he would give me an RT.
I'm not sure what that is but I'm wearing my nicest panties.

I know my twittercrush is out there, just waiting to send me dick pics <3

Broke a finger masturbating this morning, better slow down on the kegels.

My panties make the worst chastity belt ever :(

I'm going to have a party for all my new Twitter friends. Please bring cupcakes and sex. :)

The odds of surviving a horrible, horrible accident is always better if you don't wear panties, my mom always said.
Or something.

Every time we meet I get tiny butterflies in my belly :)
Or... wait, how long can jizz stay alive?

You can rest assured that when I RT you, not only does 0.000000001% of twitter read it,
I also always read it out loud to my puppy Violet :)

I judge all boys based on how they devour a cupcake.

My latest twittercrush has huge boobs and I'm so worried about the size of his penis :(

My last boyfriend asphyxiated on a pair of my panties. I guess cotton's not that breathable after all. :(

I have a date in an hour and no clean panties. So I guess I'll go commando and the perfume will take care of itself.

I don't know about other women but I'm secure enough in my sexuality to not be threatened by buffalos.

Porn is so much sexier when it starts with a nice tea party. :)

Being a meanie isn't good for your complexion.
Also my puppy won't like you and my panties won't come off.

Ever lost one pair of panties in seven possible locations? :(

Someone should start a teamfollowmebacktomyplaceandhaveacupcake.
Only nice stuff could come out of that.

You're the x to my o :)

I have more puppies than panties which makes dressing up difficult.