If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that's still a sports injury, right?

Truth hurts. Learning the truth too late is worse.

You are beautiful on the inside.
This is where I want to touch you.

I need a "retweet harder" button.

I'm sometimes a bit surprised by which of my tweets other people think are good.

Twitter: Displacing real life, one hundred and forty characters at a time.

Maybe I should ask if there's a history of mental illness in your family before we start dating.

I didn't do that last time.

Don't complain about not having what I offered to you.

Wouldn't it be better if women had to take a pill to get pregnant, rather than one not to?

People don't believe me when I say I'm not good at taking hints. Don't try to subtweet me; I won't get it.

Ignorance is such a turn off.

If I'm ever trapped on a dessert island, the one thing I would want is a spoon.

No shit, Twitter, my ex is similar to me.

I'm not here for the girl in the pictures.

I'm here for the woman behind the words.

Manual retweeters suck ass and blow goats. I realise that is attractive to some of you, but it's really not good.

How am I supposed to get through your tweets if you keep making more?

You're not broken; you just have jagged edges.

If I cut myself and bleed, I knew what I was getting into.

The butterflies are here to take me off to sleep....

I fear rejection, too.

I hate it when restaurants refill their Heinz ketchup bottles with something other than Heinz. I lived in Pittsburgh & know the difference.