Got my Twitter demographic figured out-guys who like boobs and suburban moms who drink because of their kids.Same as RL. Write what you know

Best obvi lesson learned from my kids so far-They're Not You!All raised in same house-all utterly different-with NO interest in my agenda.

@ibiteboys FILTH- Follower Id Like To Have.

What is this Star vs RT BS?Know Im a newbie but figuring out my own rules for why I star/when I RT.And they may not be your rules.Thats OK.

So. Viagra and Virile. Both 6 letter words that start with V and mean the opposite of each other. Coincidence?

Going for dinner with ex-husband's 3rd ex-wife.What's the protocol? White gloves?Curtsy?Bring voodoo doll?Compare views of short/comings?

Thought Id tweeted something incredibly profound. Shook my head *Ouch* Realized it was all IN my head. Oh vodka. How I love/hate you.

When you give continually with no expectation you'll get anything back-and you dont-ever? Its your own fault but its also time to move on.

@mrluvanutha I owe it all 2 the power of vodka. :)

These days, Im a lot more prepared to open my legs than my heart

@theonetruedisco Umm. No. Cowboy on a snowboard, maybe? Good luck white moose hunting tho.

@dixie_dupree I can represent you both when the dust settles- call it a preventative retainer.

@cynicallongkat Ooh..those "internet people".Explaining Twitter to my mom is like convincing her she wont get raped on Facebook. Pointless.

@aspersioncast Or how about we all just fight over who gets to retweet your tweets every other weekend like bitter divorced parents?

@roguegod I must be Violet Beauregard then-one lucky girl.Long as I dont become a giant blueberry & explode this time. Original kicked ass.

Kid #4 with genius IQ says "what's it called when you kill off old/sick people? EuthanChina?" Close baby. Right continent. Think bigger.

Pretty sure this whole "when one door closes/a window opens" thing is a bunch of sales BS, but what if Im wrong??

@ms_moneypenny_ Lived in that neighborhood-it gets SO much better. Shifts over first 12 months in how life looks to you are astounding.:)

@melvinofyork Ive drank Fat Bastard-outraged by the same marketing ploy. They'll say anything to force us to drink their wine.

@underthejewfro One of my first tweets tried to start a rumor that Nicki Manaj and Snooki were the same person. Went nowhere. :)