@plaid_lemur's (Nikolai) most faved Tweets...
I keep a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff so if I ever have amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm AWESOME!
If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
If "she'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably a little more woman than I can handle.
I think it's amazing that four of the greatest artists of all time were named after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Christmas Parenting Tip: If a kid asks for a kitten, tell them Santa flies at such a high altitude that all the kittens freeze to death.
I think that if Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh had their brains swapped, the world would be better because that surgery sounds really risky.
I think the best thing about having a mom with a new boyfriend everyday was all the balloons I'd find in her bedroom trash.
They say not to bring a knife to a gun fight, so I'd bring a kitten because what kind of sicko would shoot a guy holding a kitten?
They say there's a lot of fish in the sea but I can't hold my breath long enough to have sex with them.
When talking to blind people, it's very important to give feedback. That's why I say "I see" to them a lot--it lets them know I'm not blind.
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