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So America, Lady Gaga, The Bachelor and Dean Koontz are not only acceptable, but best selling? I cringe.
You know, that kinda day when everything is ok and you don't have anything to tweet about.
Hey, I just realized I totally suck at being an adult.
Wait, that smell, is it wet wood or dried dog urine?
if you play puff the magic dragon at my funeral I will come back as a ghost and haunt you with stinky farts.
I can't wait to play with my pseudo moss covered stones later. They're very compelling.
She lines her egg-laying chamber with soft dried grass #shewantsthedick
i surprise myself at how creepy I can be.
Why are white people so afraid of ripe fruit?
Drive a steamroller into Walmart and gut that bitch. #PreRaptureBucketList
Texas, come for the jobs, stay for your prison sentence #RejectedStateSlogans
Was Bruno Mars actually given an award? He sings nursery songs for toddlers.
The day Twitter suggests I follow Kim Kardashian is the day I'll swallow lard straight from the tub until I die.
When I was younger, we had two more seasons. They were called Spring and Fall. They were really awesome. I miss them.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie #blamethemuslims