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  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    Gift @plemur Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 934
    • LIKES
    shaynaaaxoxobombdiggity327mickybloreninjamoose101BurrellJacob_sweet_hamGinGanderfred_dog
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    bombdiggity327empathymccmere_sugarGinGanderRSantaferraroomarcheerioOwenPaddyVerifiedJayy______
    fred_doglvvzzFlirtyNikka
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think the most exciting part of sex is when I turn on the light and the couple finally sees me.

    • 729
    • LIKES
    fulmadz__gunnarhafdalfrankenoceanWhatsNikeBaconF00TthechrisfenixDeLMarSanmasonhamilton13
    • 46
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    EngineerAndHalf__l0gBOOTY_LURKERTheDeadMou5DarkTallBastardmadshamrinryanmillionsShaunRightNow
    awescar
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.

    • 513
    • LIKES
    ShaunRightNowawescarlaney_maxwellStolenArcheromarcheeriochickenfettCVTBabySSFantastic
    • 70
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    UncleRip__mamasbistromissxautopsypsychedelicate_YimsterFifecrossrootsdocMyViciousMindVerifiedJayy______
    ACRPOKERBOT
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    If "she'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably a little more woman than I can handle.

    • 420
    • LIKES
    tash_maraispaindropsnrosesPaulPklaichCarlosVanSRoniNuskuDeLMarSanawescar__GX
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    craigwilsoncmgee_CapeTown_BrupunkystarfishBronxCheer48VerifiedJayy______andrew4337UnconnectedDots__
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I bet the Catholic bishops are having a hard time cleaning up the sex abuse scandals because they can only move diagonally.

    • 361
    • LIKES
    likealumberjackawescaromarcheerioobi_ian_kenobinoblepeterVerifiedJayy______Gooberforcechiggerweeds
    • 56
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    noblepeterVerifiedJayy______BronxCheer48Ahmad_YousryTheAdlyWTF_RTsUmJammerEmmyZoeytrope
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with body image issues.

    • 371
    • LIKES
    aThumperomarcheerioRohanAlcobi_ian_kenobiblanketslugTheMichaelRockVerifiedJayy______Gooberforce
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    VerifiedJayy______TheEarth2012alliegirl4224Favstar500Favs__binncheolsallyjaneeefavstar1000favsCarolThompsonMK
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think the funnest part of a prostate exam is when I fake an orgasm.

    • 374
    • LIKES
    carowiczBurds_1awescarTat6277____________GXomarcheeriojust_evolvedobi_ian_kenobi
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    NuttysmytnoblepeterAmy6287brammercatVerifiedJayy______Koo_The_BoyiarsetweetJamieBrown01
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think it's amazing that four of the greatest artists of all time were named after the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

    • 335
    • LIKES
    SocialMediaTyWhatsNikeholyceiling______jadetooxxjasonrose00lilbonoboyllwsnow92awescar
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    TheJackyDryanbest_14melissab233holyceiling______NWBrad__Matty_WormallCRAZZZZY13QueenJenniferH____
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    A volcano erupted near Eyjafjallajokull, Iceland, which is coincidentally the same exact sound you make while running away from a volcano.

    • 310
    • LIKES
    awescaromarcheerioRohanAlcobi_ian_kenobinoblepeterOwenPaddyVerifiedJayy______YimsterFife
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    OwenPaddyVerifiedJayy______Keys_ToMeTheEarth2012SheilaDennisKindaLaurenyFavstar500Favs__taylorwallacee
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think it's important to remember that woman aren't sex objects; women are sex people.

    • 308
    • LIKES
    Burds_1JonificoderbyjamesawescarpiskenNachHolezdlvsud__hemlocktonic______
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    SportsGuyMarkMariusStefi247JonificodoovusNuttysmytheatherlarson77__ReDHeaDeDTaRT____VerifiedJayy______
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I sex you, but I'm not 'in sex' with you.

    • 306
    • LIKES
    obi_ian_kenobisicksixsixlisaandtotsVerifiedJayy______derbyjameslllvvvzzzMoriayoJihadPizza
    • 13
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    J_OHHHHHpantie_mongrelsicksixsixVerifiedJayy______LadyGoatNugget____kittenishcutieWalknOnSnshinebaligurl____
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think if babies were invisible, it would be even more awesome to watch breast feedings.

    • 304
    • LIKES
    awescarRohanAlcQueenJenniferH____obi_ian_kenobilisaandtotsVerifiedJayy______YimsterFifelllvvvzzz
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    VerifiedJayy______Saisi_FavoriteNapster__mohamedrasheedTheAdlylulusgirl888YearOfRatUnconnectedDots__
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    Pandas probably have black eyes because they're assholes.

    • 301
    • LIKES
    awescarPrick_SpoonwillfernchHotGma52QueenJenniferH____sblmnl_crmnl__obi_ian_kenobilisaandtots
    • 12
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    QueenJenniferH____bcut1luuuuceVerifiedJayy______imrel0adCVTBabyTheEarth2012noisetalkers
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    Christmas Parenting Tip: If a kid asks for a kitten, tell them Santa flies at such a high altitude that all the kittens freeze to death.

    • 283
    • LIKES
    Burds_1awescartpurvis06QueenJenniferH____lisaandtotsVerifiedJayy______GooberforceCVTBaby
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    bcut1VerifiedJayy______andrew4337TheEarth2012runneronnetagentkyleFavstar500Favs__Vokabre__________
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think that if Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh had their brains swapped, the world would be better because that surgery sounds really risky.

    • 269
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    awescarVerifiedJayy______CVTBabyBronxCheer48lllvvvzzzstankloafJihadPizzaGinaRitter
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    VerifiedJayy______koreanmambaTheEarth2012beccabeccabeccaheatherljamesWalksWithWineFavstar500Favs__favstar1000favs
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    They say not to bring a knife to a gun fight, so I'd bring a kitten because what kind of sicko would shoot a guy holding a kitten?

    • 272
    • LIKES
    awescarepiphanyx7Sara_louise123obi_ian_kenobid3stinyseeker____VerifiedJayy______GooberforceCVTBaby
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    nessa_irisVerifiedJayy______UnconnectedDots__kittenishcutieTheEarth2012ankushnarulaFavstar500Favs__XKalaba
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think if lions got over their fear of chairs, the circus would be a lot more fun to watch.

    • 268
    • LIKES
    derbyjamesawescarobi_ian_kenobilisaandtotsVerifiedJayy______CVTBabyYimsterFifeBronxCheer48
    • 13
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    VerifiedJayy______BrattyBarbie__TheEarth2012KWAIG______mr_cuadradoFavstar500Favs__ankushnarulafavstar1000favs
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think the best thing about having a mom with a new boyfriend everyday was all the balloons I'd find in her bedroom trash.

    • 267
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    Burds_1awescarnoblepeterDankulaa_cute_rupture____VerifiedJayy______YimsterFifelllvvvzzz
    • 5
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    DankulaVerifiedJayy______SuzanneTheBoshabiglilkim
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    My favorite sexual position is that gays should be able to marry.

    • 145
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    derbyjamesSkayreisawescarFoodontheFoodthekeeleyllvvzzmultipervepiphanyx7
    • 122
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    guiltybutterflynorstrandyjzo4____multipervAngelan94VerifiedJayy______DawnRaeSuziDodt_AshleySorensen
    shanethevein
  • plemur
      plemur @plemur

    I think the best case scenario would be that the case is full of money.

    • 257
    • LIKES
    iNuskuderbyjamesaThumperawescarobi_ian_kenobilisaandtotsVerifiedJayy______Gooberforce
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    VerifiedJayy______Favstar250TheEarth2012gunsandglittersFavstar500Favs__ScwruDcourtney_sfavstar1000favs
@plemur

@plemur

I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with body image issues.

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