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This craft beer is telling me to pack my suitcase with white loafers and bars of lightly scented sandalwood soap.
How would you rate this monday on a scale from one to work drunk
I want to thank everybody who ignores me. You've helped create a very specific, very frivolous, type of hatred.
I dont make eye contact because constantly devouring people with my black hole pupils is socially irresponsible/time consuming.
i kno y people like penelope cruz. shes hot & it seems like she;ll do w/e u want. i like paz vega b/c she does whatever SHE wants. #catrun.
I love my mother but I am willing to go to Korea just to get some peace and understanding.
My undying affection goes for practically nothing these days
In space, your butt is a space butt.
The world needs more candid laughter at the end of fun songs
It's all about quantity, not quality, when it's number of souls consumed. That's why I buy baby goldfish crackers.
"I cant be the only one who wants to wrestle naked in this banana boat. What am I gonna do with all of this lube?!" -inventor of sunscreen
Meee and myyyy/dental/hygienist, hygienist/we got a thiiiing/ goin on-ish
Ok birds. Shhh. I am awake. What do you want from me? I'll do your bidding. I'll make you feel good.
"Fuck off shark get your own ocean"- beachgoers, everyone but me.
I wanted sweet corn pizza and now I have some. Believe in yourself.
Suck my butt adversity I just effectively used a mini screwdriver.
Damned girl did you commit original sin because I'm drowning in hellfire everytime I think that about that ass
In my experience, true love is tantamount to pure silent rage.
I want to transition into writing in all caps but I still have a few fucks left to give.