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Kimmel: "You once shot a coyote while jogging."
Gov. Perry: "True."
Kimmel: "You jog with a gun?"
Perry: "I do interviews with a gun."
Obama wins NH, meaning Romney loses his birth state, home state, and 1 of 2 vacation home states. When he loses CA, it will be a sweep.
The Five Stages of Winter:
Colbert: "My grandfather didn't come here from Ireland to see this country overrun by immigrants!"
Letterman: "Gas under $3 a gallon. Unemployment under 6%. Stock market breaking records. No wonder Obama is so unpopular."
Colbert: "There are many theories about where these Russian missiles came from. One theory is that they came from Russia."
Letterman: "Gas under $3 a gallon. Unemployment under 6%. Stock market is breaking records. No wonder Obama is so unpopular."
Colbert: "Netscape Navigator launched 20 years ago today and it has just now finished loading."
Kroft: "You say Assad has to go."
Kroft: "But we are fighting his enemies."
POTUS: "I recognize the contradiction."
Jon Stewart: "If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more effin time. But I'll take less effin tragedy."
Letterman: "Dick Cheney still believes there are WMDs n Iraq. And I still believe I am going to get the Tonight Show."
Colbert: "It's been a tough week for, let's say, humans. Things may actually be as bad as we make them seem on cable news."
Why isn't Edward Snowden demanding a full accounting from Vladimir Putin? Doesn't Snowden still care about accountability?
Jon Stewart plays clip of Rand Paul blaming killing of Eric Garner on cigarette taxes. "What the f--- are you talking about?" Stewart asks.
Chief Political Columnist for Politico: Sometimes in error, but never in doubt.
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