Cute how we call talking to ourselves on the Internet "sub tweeting" now.

Really guys? Yoga pants pants should have a weight limit? I don't know... Maybe you should tweet it again.

One way to get everyone to know who you are and hate you is posting statuses on Facebook every day.

I just "accidentally" participated in no shave November.

ew couples

Watching my parents who have been divorced for over 10 years awkwardly try to make jokes w/ each other has to be one of the funniest things.

Am I the only one who imagines of a piece of shit wearing a halo when someone says holy shit?

Is it really necessary for adults to always have their ring tone on high?

I wish the voice in my head sounded like Morgan Freeman

YEAH, WE KNOW THAT THE FEAR OF LONG WORDS IS A REALLY LONG WORD, THANKS

I think the worst thing about dying would be everyone discovering how many pictures I really took of myself on Photobooth.

The first person who ever faked a smile for a picture must've been a freak.

Does anyone actually know how to put their microwave on 50% power?

The 'One Direction' commercial on Spotify literally makes me want to rip my ears off.

So I lie every once in awhile so I don't look incredibly creepy. Sue me.

Not much is more painful than listening to my mom sing along to the radio.

Little kids with make-up on scare me

MOM, THE DOG CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

There are 2 types of people in this world; people with friends, and people who consider The Big Bang Theory their favorite show.

If no one hates you, you're probably pretty ugly. and poor. and not funny.