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A guy smiled at me this morning at Dunkin Donuts and I spent the whole car ride home imagining our life together help
Cute how we call talking to ourselves on the Internet "sub tweeting" now.
Really guys? Yoga pants pants should have a weight limit? I don't know... Maybe you should tweet it again.
One way to get everyone to know who you are and hate you is posting statuses on Facebook every day.
I just "accidentally" participated in no shave November.
Watching my parents who have been divorced for over 10 years awkwardly try to make jokes w/ each other has to be one of the funniest things.
Am I the only one who imagines of a piece of shit wearing a halo when someone says holy shit?
Is it really necessary for adults to always have their ring tone on high?
I wish the voice in my head sounded like Morgan Freeman
YEAH, WE KNOW THAT THE FEAR OF LONG WORDS IS A REALLY LONG WORD, THANKS
I think the worst thing about dying would be everyone discovering how many pictures I really took of myself on Photobooth.
The first person who ever faked a smile for a picture must've been a freak.
Does anyone actually know how to put their microwave on 50% power?
The 'One Direction' commercial on Spotify literally makes me want to rip my ears off.
So I lie every once in awhile so I don't look incredibly creepy. Sue me.
Not much is more painful than listening to my mom sing along to the radio.
Little kids with make-up on scare me
MOM, THE DOG CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
There are 2 types of people in this world; people with friends, and people who consider The Big Bang Theory their favorite show.
I made this so that I can tweet without people I know following me, it makes me feel weird. My original twitter is @jessicarisdon.