"Are you here for the Jonas Brothers party?!?"

OMG, I'm already at Build-a-Bear. Isn't that bad enough?

"Let's start at the beginning, ma'am. Where was your boyfriend from?"

"South Bellevue."

"You mean....Renton?"

#seattlenoir

Everyone loves a parade.

No, seriously: fascist despots; white supremacists; communist militaries; clowns. *Everyone.*

Free toy idea: Littlest Pet Shop Boys.

You're welcome.

OMG, you guys, I got downgraded to Twitter Shuffle! All your tweets are in random order and I can't tell who they're from!

Hey, it's a half-moon today.

So I guess the bombing was a success.

"DADDY WHERE'S MY STRING CHEESE!!?!"

"I think you ate it."

"Oh. Yeah, I did."

It's gonna be one of those days.

Friendbook acquires Facefeed. RIP something something whatever I don't really care.

I have hit the proverbial wall. It appears to be made out of brick. I didn't realize a proverb could be so hard.

HUGE SNOWS GATHER IN THE MIDWEST, DEMANDING MUBARAK STEP DOWN.

I'm in a paddleboat. With beer.

This wedding could be OK.

My parents' cat hates me. No, wait, not strong enough. Loathes. He loathes me.

It's so cute.

To the guy weeding his rock garden with a propane blowtorch: I salute you.

I'd like to file a complaint: It is now solidly April 2nd, yet I continue to encounter fools.

In Socialist America, *healthcare* takes care of *you*.

Today's tri-state drive is nearly over. And they were big Western states, not those itty-bitty east coast kind of states.

So, how about we wrap up the weekend with a little high school reunion. Because there hasn't been enough awkward socialization yet.

Today, in a completely empty, unpartitioned shower room, some guy picks the shower right next to me.

MY GOD, MAN, DON'T YOU KNOW THE RULE?

I may need new shoes. These only have a quantum of shoelace.

So, ObamaCare covers dogs, right?