it's weird to think at one point we lived in a world in which we didn't know Sufjan Stevens wasn't fucking around.

romance isn't dead. your boyfriend's just a piece of shit.

eating some peanut brittle like it's the fucking 1920s or something.

I'm always baffled by how unfunny people are.

a lot of my time lately has been spent thinking about Totoro.

my favorite part of the Olympics is the part where I don't watch them.

nothing makes you hate your friends like Mario Party.

we need to bring back Looney Tunes characters dressed as thugs on clothing. ASAP.

there's a lotta dudes who say they love pussy but you show them one picture of a baby coming outta one and they vomit like crazy.

if you aren't answering every question a little kid asks you with "because God is dead," you're probably a better babysitter than me.

wish I had a picture of me and mom to show y'all. but I don't. #failedtheinternet

I just learned who Lucero is. Lucero should burn in hell and suck ALL the dicks.

toddlers be mean muggin'.

I'd definitely pay good money to see Ryan Gosling and Justin Timberlake shirtless wrestle.

"I wish Woody Allen had an Instagram" is a real thought I just had.

I really wish I disliked Justin Timberlake. but the dude is just... too good.

I'm thankful everyday that my girlfriend isn't into Nicholas Sparks books or movies.

is GIRLS on yet?

$7 for some Gak? go fuck yourself Nickelodeon.

too few of these candidates are characters from GAME OF THRONES.